1) Words: Short, But So Succinct
Pythagoras: 24 words
The Lord’s Prayer: 66 words
Archimedes’ Principle: 67 words
The Ten Commandments: 179 words
Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address: 286 words
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words
The U.S. government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words
2) Shop Signs – Play on Words
Outside a dress shop, Hong Kong: LADIES HAVE FITS UPSTAIRS.
Tailor shop, Rhodes: ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS A BIG RUSH, WE WILL EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.
Cocktail Lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Where’s the English Channel? I don’t know – our television doesn’t pick it up.
3) Tales from the Front Line – More Word Jokes
‘No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.’
– Joe Gay
‘Tracers work both ways.’
– U.S. Army Ordnance
‘Five-second fuses only last three seconds.’
– Infantry Journal
‘Don’t draw fire; it irritates the people around you.’
– Your Buddies
‘If your attack is going too well, you’re walking into an ambush.’
– Infantry Journal
‘Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.’
— From an old carrier sailor
4) Keep on Singing?
George, Jack, and Simon were at a conference together in Chicago and they were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were upset to hear that the lifts in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
George said to Jack and Simon, let’s break the boredom of this horrendous climb by concentrating on something more interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jack can sing songs for 25 flights, and Simon can tell sad stories the rest of the way. On the 26th floor, George stopped telling jokes and Jack began to sing. At the 51st floor, Jack stopped singing and Simon began to tell sad stories.
‘I will tell my saddest story first,’ he muttered gloomily, ‘I left our room key in the car.’
Phyllis Diller Humour
Best way to get rid of kitchen odours to eat out.
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
