Funny Thanksgiving Jokes
Spot the Big Turkey
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
The stock boy answered, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead.’
Big Turkeys and Little Turkeys
If a big turkey is called a gobbler, what do you call a little turkey? A goblet.
Hanging the Turkey
Young Simon was sitting in his grandmother’s kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.
‘What are you doing?’ Simon enquired.
‘Oh, I’m just stuffing the turkey,’ his grandmother replied.
‘Wow, that’s cool.’ Simon remarked. ‘Are you going to hang it next to the deer?’
The Secret of Stuffing a Turkey
How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey? Only one, but you REALLY have to squeeze to get him in.
Grave Humor
What did the hen tell the naughty chicks? If you your father could see you now he would turn in his gravy.
The Man Who Forgot to Buy a Turkey for Thanksgiving
It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.
‘Please let me in, ‘says the man desperately. ‘I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don’t come home with one.’
‘Okay, ‘says the butcher.’ Let me see what I have left.’ He goes into the freezer and discovers that there’s one last scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
‘That’s one is too skinny. What else you got?’ says the man.
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.
‘Oh, no, ‘says the man, ‘That one doesn’t look any better. You better give me both of them!’
The Turkey, the Parrot, and the In-laws were Kindly sent in by Cody
Martha had a parrot called Brutus, the only problem was that Brutus cussed something awful. Now Martha was having her in-laws over for Thanksgiving, so she needed to train Brutus quickly not to swear.
Just before her Mother-in-law was due Brutus cussed terribly, so Martha put him in the freezer for 2 minutes to literally cool off. Then she opened the door and took out the parrot along with the turkey.
‘And have you learned your lesson about cussing?’ Martha asked the parrot.
Brutus the parrot took one look at the dead turkey and said: ‘I sure have. But I have one I have a question, “What did the turkey do?” ‘
Be Prepared
Grandma was showing the children a painting of the Pilgrim Family on a Thanksgiving Day card that they had received and she commented, ‘The Pilgrim children enjoyed going to church with their mothers and fathers and praying to God.’
Her youngest grandson looked at her doubtfully and asked, ‘Then why is their Dad carrying that rifle?’
Funny Thanksgiving Short Stories
Thanksgiving Divorce
Eddie in Dallas calls his son in New York just before Thanksgiving and tells him, ‘I am sorry to tell you but your mother and I are going to divorce. I just cannot take any more of her moaning. We can’t stand the sight of each other anymore.’ I am telling you first, Eddie, because you are the eldest, please tell your sister.
When Eddie calls his sister Julie, she says: ‘No way are they getting divorced, I will go over and see them for Thanksgiving.’
Julie phones her parents and tells them both ‘You must NOT get divorced. Promise you won’t do anything until I get over there. I’m calling Eddie, and we’ll both be there with you tomorrow. Until then, don’t take any action, please listen to me, and hang up.
The father puts down the phone turns to his wife and says. ‘Good news’ he says, ‘Eddie and Julie are coming for Thanksgiving and they are both paying their way.’
Indians and the Pilgrims
Nathan, a young boy, after hearing the story of Thanksgiving and how the Indians and the Pilgrims sat down together, climbed up into his father’s lap and said, ‘Daddy, did you know that if we were Indians, you would be a brave and Mom would be a squawk?’
‘That is the best description of your mother I have ever heard, Nathan’, replied his daddy as he ducked.
Sunny days ahead
April showers bring May flowers. And the Mayflower brings ……. Pilgrims!
Buckle down?
Why did the pilgrim’s pants fall down? Because he had his buckle in his hat.
Will and Guy’s Five Funny Thanksgiving Jokes
- Asked to write a composition entitled, ‘What I’m thankful for on Thanksgiving,’ one student wrote, ‘I am thankful that I’m not a turkey.’
- Michael Dresser in his wine column, “Vintage Point”, writing about the difficulty of recommending wine for Thanksgiving dinner writes:’Thanksgiving is America’s national feast – the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. In France, by contrast, there are three such days: Hier, Aujourd’hui, and Demain. [Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow]
- When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving? In the dictionary.
- If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
- What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy.
Funny Thanksgiving jokes
Real Questions to the Turkey Cooking Hotline
- Should I carve my turkey with a 16in Redmax or should I get out my Stihl Electric Chain Saw?
- Is it OK to baste my turkey with engine oil?
- Should I leave the giblets in their plastic bag during cooking?
Six Legged Turkey
An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding, his mission was to produce the perfect turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone.
The farmer even tried breeding turkeys with other animals. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer related to his friend Zeb the results of his latest experiment, which involved introducing octopus genes into a turkey.
‘Well, I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!’ Said the farmer. Zeb could not resist enquiring, ‘How did the turkey meat taste?’.
‘I don’t know, ‘said the farmer, ‘I haven’t caught the bird yet!’
A Curious Thanksgiving Story
The minister of the church was giving a Thanksgiving service. A ragged man in the audience asked, ‘What is there to be thankful for?’ Surprised, the minister replied, ‘What is your name, sir?’ ‘Cause,’ was the reply. ‘Well Cause, you could be thankful for your healthy body…’
‘I’m blind and I have lung cancer.’ ‘..or your family…’ ‘I don’t have a family.’ ‘…or your home…’ ‘I don’t have a home.’
“Well, then,’ retorted the preacher, I guess you’re a lost cause!’
November Thanksgiving Traditional Supper
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discovering once a year is way too often. Johnny Carson
Thanksgiving Trick
Emma’s grandmother was coming to visit her mother and father for Thanksgiving.
The day arrived and grandmother arrived at the front door, was invited in, and brought into the living room where the rest of the family was chatting before Thanksgiving.
“I sure am happy to see you,” Emma said to the grandmother.
“Why, thank you, Emma,” the grandmother replied.
Emma added, “Now maybe Daddy will do that trick he was talking about.”
Bewildered, the grandmother asked, “What trick?” The father leaned forward, interested.
Emma answered, “I heard him tell Mommy that he would climb the wall if you came to visit!”
Classic Thanksgiving Meal
Dog and Cat – Unlikely Friends at Thanksgiving Cat and Mouse
Another pair of mortal enemies, best of friends at Thanksgiving
Funny November Thanksgiving Pictures, Jokes and Stories
Those Ancestors!
The Taylors were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had traveled to America with the Pilgrim Fathers on the Mayflower. They included Congressmen, successful entrepreneurs, famous sportspeople, and television stars.
They decided to research and write a family history, something for their children and grandchildren. They found a specialist genealogist and writer to help them. Only one problem arose – how to handle Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor who was executed in the electric chair.
The writer said she could handle the story tactfully. When the book appeared the section about Jefferson read:
The Turkey – A most difficult bird to cook
Louise was away from home on Thanksgiving Day for the first time and she was missing her home and family desperately. Louise decided to cook a turkey herself, just like her Mum used to so that she could feel closer to her family.
Louise returned home for the celebrations and recounted her experience to her Mum saying, ‘Mum. it was so difficult to eat the turkey.’
‘Why was that, dear’ asked Mum in a concerned way, ‘was it not cooked properly?’
‘How would I know?’ responded Louise, ‘it wouldn’t sit still.’
Abraham Lincoln Sets November Thanksgiving Day
Sarah Hale, a magazine editor, campaigned tirelessly for a national Thanksgiving day. Hale wrote in Godey’s Lady’s Book, that eventually Sarah’s idea caught the president’s eye, and in 1863, President Lincoln proclaimed the idea of November Thanksgiving, to be precise, that the last Thursday in November would be a national day of Thanksgiving.
In Canada, they set Thanksgiving Day on the second Monday in October. Here it was Martin Frobisher who in Newfoundland first gave thanks for surviving his explorations in 1578. Other countries that celebrate Thanksgiving include Argentina and Brazil. Japan has a national holiday on 23rd November to celebrate Labour / Thanksgiving Day.
Turkey Shoot!
There are more turkeys in Missouri than in Texas. As a Welshman, when I read that the state of Missouri allows hunters to bag two birds in October, I had no idea what was going on in these Missouri woods, so I did a little research.
The first thing that struck me was that if a permit costs $13 then you better make sure that you hit a turkey. Then I read about hunting gear and realized that this was not about cost, or even about eating turkey, it was about good old-fashioned hunting.
What impressed me most was a group who hunted turkey with bows and arrows – now that seemed like a fair contest!
Spot the Turkey?
The Turkey Trot
Five little turkeys standing at the door,
One waddled off, and then there were four.
Four little turkeys sitting near a tree,
One waddled off, and then there were three.
Three little turkeys with nothing to do,
One waddled off, and then there were two.
Two little turkeys in the morning sun,
One waddled off, and then there was one.
One little turkey better run away,
Soon it will be Thanksgiving Day.
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discovering once a year is way too often. Johnny Carson
November Thanksgiving Card
Amusing Thanksgiving Quotes
- When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat! David Letterman
- Grave Humor: What did the hen tell the naughty chicks? If your father could see you now he would turn in his gravy.
- Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, he was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock.
- The Secret of Stuffing a Turkey: How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey? Only one, but you REALLY have to squeeze to get him in.
New York Thanksgiving Tradition
In New York City there are lots of engaging Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don’t buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They prefer to buy the bird live and then push it in front of a subway train. David Letterman
Getting Betrothed at Thanksgiving
A strange Thanksgiving Tradition in the Chinese areas of San Francisco is for engaged couples to buy a lock and key, then chain the lock to the Golden Gate Bridge and throw away the key.
Thanksgiving Superstitions
- Before putting the turkey in the oven, knock 3 times on a wooden board and the meat will taste succulent.
- Pulling the wishbone. The person with the longer end will have their wish come true.
- If you eat a child’s turkey leftovers then it will make a boy naughty and a girl cry.
- Contrary to popular opinion, turkey at Thanksgiving was not invented by the “Farmers’ Market”. Of course, it was William Bradford and his ‘History Of Plymouth Plantation’ established the tradition of turkey at Thanksgiving.
Macy’s November Thanksgiving Traditions
Children love Macy’s November Thanksgiving Day parade through Manhattan, New York. I wonder how many people have attended at least one parade since its inception in 1924*?
One constant theme of Macy’s parade is characters made of balloons, indeed we muse in the 1930’s did Walt Disney make Macy’s parade, or did Macy’s parade make Disney?
Some say Macy’s parade did not start until 1927, but the argument centers over the naming of the 1924 version, ‘Macy’s Christmas Day Parade’, the confusion arises because it was held at Thanksgiving.
Old-timers say they used to release balloons with prizes for those who found the balloon. Many think it would be great if Macy’s resurrected the tradition.
Amongst other cities, Detroit is at the forefront of celebrations. Since 1924 they have had their own parade down Woodward Avenue. Also their NFL team, the Detroit Lions always play a game on Thanksgiving, a tradition that goes back to 1934.
White House Rose Garden Turkey Pardon
Beware the Turkey?
To borrow a line from WC Fields: ‘Never work with children, animals, or Thanksgiving turkeys’.
Thanksgiving 2008 marks the 61st anniversary of the National Thanksgiving Turkey presentation. Live Thanksgiving turkeys have been presented to presidents since the days of Abe Lincoln. However, the current form of the ceremony dates back to President Harry Truman in 1947.
Whitehouse Tradition Continues – Spot the Turkey!
The turkey (and its alternate) are pardoned by the President on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. The ceremony traditionally takes place in the White House Rose Garden and is a wonderful photo shoot opportunity. The lucky turkey will then be sent to Disneyland, where it will be the grand marshal of the Disney Thanksgiving Day Parade.
The tradition’s origin is uncertain. One story claims that Harry Truman pardoned a turkey in 1947, but the Truman Library has been unable to find any evidence for this. Another claim that the tradition dates back to Abraham Lincoln, in October 1863, pardoning his son Tad’s pet turkey. Both of these stories have been cited in recent presidential speeches.
Interestingly, the great American public is allowed to vote for the turkeys’ names on the White House website.
2007 lucky birds were ‘May’ and ‘Flower’. In 2006 the turkeys pardoned were named Flyer and Fryer. In 2005
turkeys were named Marshmallow and Yam were spared. 2004’s were named Biscuit and Gravy, and 2003’s were Stars and Stripes. The 2008 winners, who were pardoned were Pumpkin and Pecan.
Thanksgiving 2009 Update
President Obama made the official presidential Thanksgiving pardon on Wednesday, November 25. A turkey called ‘Courage’ was spared along with an alternative called ‘Carolina’.
Crazy how one thing can set you off on a tangent.
Talking of yam, this is what Popeye said: “I yam what I yam and that’s all that I yam.”
2011 Presidential Turkey Pardon
On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving 2011, President Obama pardoned two turkeys as usual, this year they were called Liberty and Peace.
November Thanksgiving – A Truly American Story
Looking back approaching 400 years one can see why those first Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for. Their boat, the Mayflower, made it across the Atlantic Ocean. We can only ponder how many perished in similar boats before their success. And indeed we can think of all those boats which have been lost with all hands since. The Pilgrims who landed at Plymouth Rock in 1620 can be grateful that Iroquois Native Americans were not more numerous and more belligerent.
The Pilgrims who sailed on the Mayflower were members of the English Separatist Church (a Puritan sect). They fled from persecution in England and took the opportunity of a better life in America. Puritans negotiated with a London stock company to finance the pilgrimage to America. However, 2/3 of those aboard the Mayflower were not Separatists, they just went along for the adventure and the opportunity.
That first winter of 1620 was severe and by the fall of 1621, almost half of the original 102 settlers had died of hardship. However, vegetables were new to the Pilgrims and they needed help from the Iroquois Indians to grow crops such as maize and pumpkins. Thanks to the skill of native Indians like Squanto, and good fortune, the harvest of 1621 was bountiful.
Governor William Bradford famously sent ‘four men fowling’. They returned with deer, wild ducks, and geese. While they probably did not have turkey as we know it, the Pilgrims coined the word ‘turkey’ as a generic term for any wildfowl. The resulting feast was more like an English harvest festival than a true Thanksgiving observance.
Origins of Turkey
The history of the turkey goes back at least 800 years to New Mexico. When Cortés invaded Mexico, he discovered
that the natives kept flocks of turkeys. Biologists suspect that the Meso-American civilization domesticated the turkey Meleagris gallopavo. This culture developed in the Maya of Belize, Guatemala, and up through Mexico.
In Cortés time it was all very different from today’s celebration of Thanksgiving with the turkey at center stage. Or was it? While the surroundings were completely different, and the time of year may have been nearer summer, I expect the ancients knew how to party on turkey!
Funny Pictures of Thanksgiving Turkeys
Preparing Turkeys for Thanksgiving
I’ll let you into a secret, Will had to explain to me that the man was blind and that’s why the turkeys were tricking him by saying ‘Mooo’.
However, from my Biology days, I remembered that those red protuberances on the male turkeys’ beaks are called snoods or wattles.
Joan D. Vinge says: In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death.
Oh Dear!
Amos, a hardworking turkey farmer was experimenting with breeding turkey which would fetch more money. Market research indicated that the turkey legs fetched the most money. After countless fruitless generations of turkeys, Amos finally cracked the genetic code and created a batch of four-legged turkeys. Just before Thanksgiving Amos shared his success with his family. ‘I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has four legs!’ Said Amos.
‘What does it taste like?’, asked Aunty Mary.
‘I don’t know yet, ‘said Amos, ‘I haven’t caught one yet’
Let the Turkey Hang?
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner
More Funny Turkey Pictures and Cartoons
Turkey Rights?
Cruising for a Bruising?
Talking Turkey
A woman called 1-800-322-4349 to find out how long it would take to roast her Thanksgiving turkey. To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed.
The woman responded, ‘How do I know, it’s still running around outside.’
Funny Thanksgiving Sparring Partners
No Messin!
Did You Know?
- Turkeys can have heart attacks. Groups of turkeys, sometimes known as a rafter of turkeys would drop dead when the Air Force was conducting test runs and breaking the sound barrier nearby.
- Apparently, turkeys can drown if they look up when it is raining.
- Excessive turkey breeding has caused turkey breasts to grow so enormous that the turkeys sometimes fall over.
- The Pilgrim Fathers would not eat lobster because they thought it was a giant insect.
How Were Turkeys So Named?
The word may have come from the noise a wild turkey makes when it becomes frightened: it sounds like ‘turk – turc – turk.’
The original inhabitants of America called this bird a ‘firkee.’ It’s not hard to see how Firkee could become a turkey.
Christopher Columbus, the explorer, took some of the wild turkeys of North America back to Europe. People enjoyed eating the meat. It is possible that traders along the Mediterranean casts, known as Turkes, may have brought some of these birds hence they came to be called ‘turkey birds.’
In Spain, the turkey was often referred to as Indian fowl, an allusion which is repeated in the French ‘dindon’ formed with d’Inde which means ‘from India’.
Some say Columbus thought the turkey was part of the peacock family. So he decided to call them ‘tuka’ which is the word for peacock in Tamil, a language spoken in Southern India and Sri Lanka.
Pulling the wishbone is a tradition of Thanksgiving. Firstly, it’s best to allow the wishbone to dry. Then, two people each grasp one end of the wishbone. After making a silent wish, they pull it away. Whoever gets the bigger portion with the joint, will get their prayer come true. This is the same wishbone tradition as at Christmas in the UK.
A Parallel Turkey Universe?
Talking Turkey
Did you know that in the USA there are eight breeds of turkey (Meleagris gallopavo),: Bronze, Narragansett (see above right), White Holland, Black Spanish, Blue Slate, Bourbon Red, Beltsville Small White (also Midget White), and the Royal Palm turkey.
Funny Thanksgiving Cartoons
New Recipe for Turkey Stuffing
Thanksgiving Turkey – Revenge
Thanksgiving Truce? Or the Great Escape
What would be your caption for this Thanksgiving cartoon?
What Am I Doing Here?
Funny Thanksgiving Children’s Stories
Gratitude
In the week before Thanksgiving Mary-Jo asked her class of 9-year-olds to write a paragraph entitled:
‘What I am most thankful for on Thanksgiving Day’.
All Joey could write was: ‘I am thankful that I’m not a turkey at Thanksgiving.’
Crossing I
Mary-Jo (Teacher): Why did the turkey cross the road?
Joey: It was the chicken’s day off.
Crossing II
Mary-Jo: ‘Why do you think that the Pilgrims sailed from England to America?’
Joey: ‘Because they missed their plane.’
Crossing III
Mary-Jo: ‘What did the farmer get when he crossed a centipede with a turkey?’
Joey: ‘100 drumsticks.’
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes and Sayings
The Secret of Stuffing a Turkey
How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey? Only one, but you REALLY have to squeeze to get him in. Anon.
Amusing Thanksgiving Quotations From The Famous
- Rita Rudner: My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
- George Carlin: We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.
- Erma Bombeck: No One Diets on Thanksgiving. What we’re talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
- Johnny Carson: Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discovering once a year is way too often.
- Reba McEntire: To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.
- How Was the Thanksgiving Turkey for You? We had grandma for Thanksgiving dinner. Really? We had turkey.
Turkey Gobble The turkey is a funny bird
Its head goes bobble-bobble;
And all he knows is just one word…
And that is GOBBLE-GOBBLE!
General Inspirational and Amusing Sayings
- The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.
Benjamin Franklin - The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. H.U. Westermayer
- There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.
Albert Einstein - You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is without exception. Victor Kiam
- I don’t have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem. Ashleigh Brilliant
- There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. Benjamin Franklin
- Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone starkly mad. Norm Papernick
Turkey Towns
There are at least three places in the USA named after this traditional meal: Turkey in Texas [population 491]
Turkey Creek, Louisiana [population 364] Turkey, North Carolina [population 267].
Three towns in Kansas also have the name Turkey.
Do you know of any other ‘Turkey towns?
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes for the Meal
- We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink. Epicurus
- Old people shouldn’t eat healthy foods. They need all the preservatives they can get. Robert Orben
- Morning Star Headline Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
- It’s not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it’s the seconds. Anon
- An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. Irv Kupcinet
- Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. Michael Dresser
- There are only two kinds of really fascinating people: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing. Oscar Wilde.
Thanksgiving Day Miracle
Bradley Priebe is a miracle child claims his mother, Anna, as she offered up her own Thanksgiving prayers. While celebrating Thanksgiving Day in Brooklyn, USA, in a third-floor apartment the 14-month-old baby fell from an open window some 20 feet onto a music shop roof below. Bradley not only survived, he didn’t even break a bone. His father Brandon told police that his son wasn’t seriously injured in the fall. The local hospital released the child after a period of observation.
General Quotations Suitable For a Thanksgiving Gathering
- Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action. W.J. Cameron
- What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal. Albert Pine.
- We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. Frederick Keonig.
- If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily. Gerald Good.
- What a wonderful life I’ve had. I only wish I’d realized it sooner. Colette
- There is no more sincere love than the love of food. George Bernard Shaw
- Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. W. T. Purkiser.
- True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost. Charles Caleb Colton
- Do not wait for the day of judgment, it takes place every day. Albert Camus
- Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man, it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow. Edward Sandford Martin
- If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “Thank you,” that would suffice. Meister Eckhart
- I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself. Oscar Wilde
Thanksgiving Alphabet
T … Turkeys, table-spreads, being together,
H … Happiness and homes to protect us from all weather,
A … Aunts and uncles, a reunion in Fall,
N … Nieces and nephews, family members all.
K … Kind-hearted kin coming over for dinner,
S … Surely you’ll have fun, but you won’t get thinner,
G … Gourds and pumpkins, mouths open wide,
I … Indians and Pilgrims we remember with pride,
V … Very special times-there could even be snow,
I … Imagine what it was like at Plymouth long ago,
N … Never forget how the settlers led the way,
G … Giving thanks and blessing this special day.
Thanksgiving Poems:
The Year
The year has turned its circle,
The seasons come and go.
The harvest is gathered in
And chilly north winds blow.
Orchards have shared their treasures,
The fields, their yellow grain,
So open wide the doorway,
Thanksgiving comes again.
Thanks
He who thanks but with the lips
Thanks but in part;
The full,
the true Thanksgiving
Comes from the heart.
J.A. Shedd
The First Thanksgiving
So once in every year, we throng
Upon a day apart,
To praise the Lord with feast and song
In thankfulness of heart.
Arthur Guiterman.
Funny Thanksgiving stories
Here is our collection of amusing tales about turkeys, some are the heroes whilst others are the villains of the story.
Turkey Hunters’ Tale
Tommy and Billy were discussing their latest turkey shoot. Tommy says emphatically, ‘I am never going to take my wife
Laura shooting with me ever again, Billy!’
‘That bad, eh?’ enquires Billy smiling. ‘Yeah, Laura did everything wrong, got nothing right. She chattered too much, constantly disturbed the undergrowth, loaded the wrong gauge shot in the gun, used the wrong luring whistles, and worst of all,’ bellows Tommy, ‘she shot more turkeys than me!’
A Piece of Pumpkin Pie?
Jolene was only 8 years old and lived with family in the country with her parents and brother. Consequently, they did not often have visitors from the city. One day Jolene’s mother said that her father was bringing two guests home for Thanksgiving supper.
After they had enjoyed the turkey, Jolene went to the kitchen to help her mother and proudly brought in the first piece of pumpkin pie and gave it to her father. He then passed the plate to a guest. When Jolene came in with the second piece and gave it to his father, he again gave it to a guest.
This was too much for Little Jolene, who blurted out, ‘It’s no use, Daddy. The pieces are all the same size.’
- What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie? Your teeth.
Funny Thanksgiving Tall Stories
Cold Turkey – A Funny Thanksgiving Story
It was the Monday before Thanksgiving, Bobby Evans collapsed in a Wal-Mart in Worcester Massachusetts. Other customers gathered around and the first-aider was summoned. It did not look good for Bobby, there was blood coming out of his ear, his face looked white and he was unconscious.
The store manager dialed 911 and when the medical team arrived the first thing they did was take off Bobby’s hat, to everyone’s amazement inside was a partially frozen turkey. What felled Bobby was the chill from turkey numbing his brain. The blood came from the giblets which had melted and leaked over his hair and down into his ear.
As it was Thanksgiving the manager took pity, and rather than prosecuting the shop-lifter, gave him the partly thawed bird and sent Bobby on his way. Two days later the manager got a letter from Bobby apologizing for his behavior and thanking the manager for his actions. Also inside the envelope was $15, the price of his turkey.
Turkey Tight End?
A professional NFL team, the Philadelphia Eagles, had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded to be given a chance to play at tight end.
Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, ‘You’re superb. Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you
get a huge bonus.’
‘Forget the bonus,’ replied the turkey, ‘What I want to know is, does your season go past Thanksgiving Day?’
No Turkeys – But…
Early one November the turkey hunting party headed towards Meeke in Minnesota. Surprisingly, they could not find any turkeys. Never mind said, Jed, their leader we’ll go back to the cabin, have breakfast then try again. I’ll skip breakfast and keep on looking said Tommy Lee who had come from Texas, especially for the shoot.
While the others had their breakfast they heard no end of gunshots. After they finished their bacon and eggs they headed in the general direction of the shooting. They were greeted by Tommy Lee, who said, ‘Bring a truck, I’ve got me 5 of them’.
‘Do we need a truck for 5 birds,’ said Jed.
‘Birds?’ said Tommy Lee, ‘I’ve got me 5 sheep, I wasn’t going to come all this way from Texas and then go home empty-handed’.
The Ears of Wheat by The Brothers Grimm
Ages upon ages ago says the German grandmother, when angels used to wander on earth, the ground was more fruitful than it is now. Then the stalks of wheat bore not fifty or sixty fold, but four times five hundred fold. Then the wheat- ears grew from the bottom to the top of the stalk.
But the men of the earth forgot that this blessing came from God, and they became idle and selfish.
One day a woman went through a wheat field, and her little child, who accompanied her, fell into a puddle and soiled her frock. The mother tore off a handful of the wheat ears and cleaned the child’s dress with them.
Just then an angel passed by and saw her. Wrathfully he spoke, ‘Wasteful woman, no longer shall the wheat- stalks produce ears. You mortals are not worthy of the gifts of Heaven!’ Some peasants who were gathering wheat in the fields heard this, and falling on their knees, prayed and entreated the angel to leave the wheat alone, not only on their account but for the sake of the little birds who otherwise must perish of hunger.
The angel pitied their distress and granted a part of the prayer. And from that day to this the ears of wheat have grown as they do now.
A Thanksgiving in France
The first Thanksgiving after moving overseas, I decided to treat my family to a traditional turkey dinner.
I went to the closest store, which happened to be French-speaking, and approached the area where a variety of meats were laid out. Not being fluent in French, I looked and tried to determine on my own whether the large poultry breasts I saw were turkey or goose.
The butcher indicated that he was ready to help me. I asked in broken French if he spoke English; he replied, ‘No.’ I tried again, asking if he spoke German; again, he replied, ‘No.’
I pointed at the poultry breasts, then tucked my thumbs in my armpits, flapped my arms, and said, ‘Gobble, gobble?’ The butcher broke into a smile as he replied, ‘Oui.’
Embarrassing, sure, but I ended up with a turkey and the butcher got a laugh!
A Tale by Monica Harris
Funny Thanksgiving Turkey Stories for the Children
Will and Guy have come across a Thanksgiving turkey story that we would like to share with you. We cannot vouch for its veracity since it is supposedly dated sometime in the 19th century.
A middle-aged woman, perhaps we will call her Maisie, heard that fresh turkey meat was far superior to that which had been frozen so she set off to her local farm and purchased a fine, plump turkey from the willing farmer.
As Maisie took the bird home she could not help but look closely at it. The turkey seemed to be watching her and Maisie felt a chill of horror as she realized that she would have to decapitate it in the morning.
The next day began and Maisie found that she could not chop the bird’s head off. So she seized some ether from the medicine cabinet and put the bird to sleep. As it was dozing she began to pluck the feathers from its flesh, preparing it for the oven. As the last feather was removed; it was said, that the plump, nude turkey woke up and seeing its state became angry.
The last we heard was that poor old Maisie was last seen being chased around her kitchen by a plump but stark-naked turkey.
Hanging the Turkey
Young Simon was sitting in his grandmother’s kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.
‘What are you doing?’ Simon enquired.
‘Oh, I’m just stuffing the turkey,’ his grandmother replied.
‘Wow, that’s cool.’ Simon remarked. ‘Are you going to hang it next to the deer?’
The Tale of the Pregnant Turkey
One year at Thanksgiving, my brothers and I were invited to my sister Jenny’s house for the traditional feast.
Knowing how gullible my sister was, we decided to play a practical joke. My two brothers lured Jenny outside to check out some trees at the bottom of the garden.
As soon as Jenny left I took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, and replaced it with a partridge. Then I replaced the bird carefully in the oven.
Later, when the turkey was cooked my sister took the bird out of the oven and when it had rested she started to carve it. Then she decided to add the stuffing. Much to her amazement she found the partridge. At this point, our mother piped up, “Jenny you’ve cooked a pregnant bird!” With this Jenny started to cry.
It took my brothers and I until early evening to convince Jenny that turkeys lay eggs, and don’t give birth to live young.
Top Ten Historical Thanksgiving Facts
- Thanksgiving Day is celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November in the USA.
- Thanksgiving Day is celebrated on the second Monday in October in Canada.
- The Plymouth Pilgrims were the first to celebrate the Thanksgiving.
- They celebrated the first Thanksgiving Day in the fall of 1621.
- The Wampanoag Indians were the people who taught the Pilgrims how to cultivate the land.
- The Pilgrim leader, Governor William Bradford, had organized the first Thanksgiving feast in the year 1621 and invited the neighboring Wampanoag Indians also to the feast.
- The state of New York officially made Thanksgiving Day an annual custom in 1817.
- The annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade tradition began in the 1920’s.
- Californians are the largest consumers of turkey in the USA.
- By the fall of 1621 only half of the pilgrims, who had sailed on the Mayflower, survived. The survivors, thankful to be alive, decided to hold a Thanksgiving feast.
Ode to Thanksgiving
May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
and may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
Funny Thanksgiving Supper
Thanksgiving Turkey – Eat Pork
And for those who don’t like pork:
or
Turkey – The Real Deal
Another Problem Thanksgiving Turkey
Sarah new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, ‘Richard doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.’
‘Now, now,’ her mother comforted, ‘I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.’
‘No, mother, you don’t understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price.’
‘Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate,’ says her mum. ‘Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.’
‘No, Mother it wasn’t the price of the turkey. It was the airplane ticket.’ “Aeroplane ticket….” What did you need an airplane ticket for?’
‘Well, mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said “Prepare from a frozen state,” so I flew to Alaska.’
Thanksgiving Day Celebration in India
Thanksgiving is celebrated the whole world over with equal fervor and excitement, if not in the same numbers as in the US. Thanksgiving in India is going to be different from Thanksgiving in the USA. For one thing, it is nearly impossible to get turkey there, and for another, instead of the whole nation celebrating with you, only a small handful of Christians pause to recognize the day.
India is a multi-lingual, multi-cultural, and secular country; also known for its spirituality. With the spread of Western culture, Thanksgiving is celebrated in quite a few parts of India, the major festivity is, however, observed by Christians in the state of Goa.
Thanksgiving Day Celebration in Goa
Thanksgiving is primarily celebrated in the state of Goa, under a different name. Thanksgiving is popularly known as ‘Ladin’ or ‘Ladainha’ in India. ‘Ladin’ literally means a litany to the Virgin Mary. During the Thanksgiving ritual, people thank God for all their material and spiritual benefits.
Christians start preparing for Thanksgiving celebrations by buying wheat and gram [chickpea/lentils], candles, wine, and colored tinsel paper. A temporary altar is constructed which is decorated with flowers, vines, and creepers. Celebrations also include the singing of hymns and prayers. The local village choirmaster conducts the entire musical show.
Another celebration associated with Thanksgiving is the popular religious feast of the conception of Mother Mary. It is a time for farmers to cut the first harvest of milk-filled corn from the rice fields and offer it to God. This is done to ask God’s blessing for a good harvest in the approaching season. Though the date of celebrations varies in different parts of Goa, generally it is celebrated on the 15th of August every year.
Thanksgiving Horror Movie
Real Questions Asked on the Butterball Turkey Cooking Hotline
- Is it OK to baste my turkey with engine oil?
- Should I carve my turkey with a 16in Redmax or should I get out my Stihl Electric Chain Saw?
- How do I get my Chihuahua out of the turkey? (Her dog jumped up on the kitchen table.)
- Should I leave the giblets in their plastic bag during cooking?
- How long should I cook my turkey on the car radiator? 50 minutes at Mach 1 should do it!
Turkey Weather Report
Early Morning Thanksgiving Day
The temperature of turkeys will gradually rise throughout Thanksgiving day. However, at dawn when the birds stare at the frost in their chiller compartment, the ambient temperature may only be 10°F.
By 10 o’clock the turkeys will start to thaw as they see the light of day. At about 11 o’clock a warm Chinook wind from the fan oven will raise their temperature rapidly to 200°F.
Mid-day Heat
By 12 o’clock the cook’s temperature may well reach fever levels. Furthermore, you may also notice an increase in humidity especially in the kitchen. In these turbulent conditions, Moms may be surrounded by an area of high wind-chill, and the result may be a cold shoulder for you. Beware, pestering one’s mother too much may lead to a tornado in the
kitchen.
Afternoon Forecast
By about 2:30 pm the warm weather conditions will have stabilized, and as a result, the turkey will have tanned nicely. Now a steel carving knife will cut across the bird’s flanks, and slices of turkey will descend on the guests’ plates.
A precipitation of cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes will make the plates slippery. You may also experience a gentle drizzle from the gravy boat. This should also be accompanied by a heavy fall of a lighter liquid into your wine glass.
Evening Rumble of Thunder
Pressure may increase drastically around the waistband, consequently, storm warnings have been issued about indigestion. The evening will see the turkey diminishing to leftovers that can then be distributed to all the guests. As the day draws to a close you may experience turbulent conditions in the stomach. The good news, the outlook is that the rumble of thunder in the intestine will pass by the weekend.
More Funny Turkey Cartoons
Now Where is That Turkey?
Two pilgrims go out hunting. One has two blunderbusses.
The second pilgrim asks, ‘Why do you have two blunderbusses?’
The first pilgrim explains, ‘I usually miss the first time I shoot. By taking two I can shoot again.’
The second pilgrim thinks for a while and then says, ‘Why not just take the second one, and only shoot once?’
Benjamin, Says ‘Grace’ Before Christmas Lunch
The whole family bowed their heads in preparation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mummy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grannie, Grampy, and all his aunts and uncles. Benjamin then began to thank God for the food.
He gave thanks for the turkey, the chipolatas, the cranberry sauce, the bread sauce, the Christmas pudding, the Yule log, the roast potatoes, and even the brandy butter. Benjamin paused, and everyone waited …..and waited.
After a long silence, he looked up at his mother and asked, ‘If I thank God for the Brussels sprouts, won’t he know that I’m lying?’
Cincinnati Has A Ball
Bowlers Have A Fun Time: A Short, Clean Thanksgiving Story
Each year Cincinnati, USA, warms up for Thanksgiving with its traditional Turkey Bowl, an annual outdoor event using frozen turkeys in place of bowling balls. Contestants will try to knock down 10 pins by sliding ‘rock-hard’ birds down a lane on the holiday season ice skating rink based in Fountain Square. The person with the highest score after three rounds wins $100 cash.
You may be pleased to know that Will and Guy have established that the frozen birds used in ‘Turkey Bowl’ are discarded store turkeys not intended for anyone’s consumption. We would hate to see eatable birds going to waste.
