The next section of our Irish funnies is a focus on St Patrick’s Day jokes and stories.
What’s in the Name of Patrick?
On St Patrick’s Day, 17th March 2008, over 1,000 Patricks and Patricias gathered in Trafalgar Square. The point of the gathering was to raise awareness that Patrick as a name may die out in a few generations. If you look at a list of the top 300 names for babies, Patrick is not there. Irish chef Paul ‘Paddy’ Rankin, organized the event to raise awareness of the demise of the name Patrick.
As a sign of the times, the current record for the most people with the same name stands at 1,096 Mohammeds. The organizers claimed that Patricks broke the record on 17th March 2008. Will and Guy wonder who checks the birth certificates. Also, does it count if Patrick is your second or third Christian name?
Donncha is shocked at finding out all his cows suffer from “Bluetongue.” ‘Bejabbers,’ Donncha murmurs, ‘I didn’t even know they had mobile phones.’
Here are classic Irish jokes to share with friends, especially on the 17th of March.
About St Patrick
Legend has it that St Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. It is also claimed that he had a way with words, and used the three leaves of the Shamrock explains the Trinity of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
Question: does March 17th commemorate St Patrick’s birth or his death, a clue the Irish love their wakes? Answer, St Patrick died on March 17th 461 AD.
It often happens that there are not many Irishmen celebrating St Patrick’s Day in Ireland. The reason is simple they will all be at the Cheltenham Festival for the racing craic.
Incidentally, the first celebration of St Patrick’s Day in America was in 1737 in Boston.
And if that’s not enough, here are some further Irish jokes for the 17th of March.
Bizarre St Patrick’s Day Picture
Table Mountain is lit up in green to commemorate St Patrick’s Day in Cape Town, South Africa.
St Patrick’s Day Costume Goes Missing
Will and Guy have discovered that a 6-foot-tall costume in the shape of a pint of Guinness has gone missing from Eastpointe, near Detroit in the USA.
This excessively large green pint is worth about £6,200 [$3,000] and originally from Ireland, appears to have been stolen for the crooks to
use it on their 17th March – St Patrick’s Day celebrations.
Will and Guy fail to believe that the robbers will get away with it as it is so easily recognizable.
Five Short St Patrick’s Day Jokes
Now, let’s focus on shorter Irish jokes:
- ‘Hello, Mary, how’s your new false teeth?’ asked Bridget. ‘I’m leaving them out till I get used to them.’ said Mary.
- ‘I hear O’Brien died,’ said Pat. ‘Was he ill long?’ ‘No,’ said Mick. ‘He died in the best of health.’
- Irish businessmen have their names printed on the front and back of their business cards in case someone loses them.
- You three are a right pair if ever I saw one!
- How come every time you ring a wrong number it’s never engaged?
After these 5 Irish jokes, let’s continue telling bigger Irish jokes and stories.
Strange St Patrick’s Day Custom
Sometimes local customs also become subjects of Irish jokes.
‘I had an accident opening a can of alphabet spaghetti this morning,’ said Murphy.
‘Were you injured?’ inquired Seamus. ‘No, but it could have spelled disaster,’ concluded Murphy.
It’s All in The Glove
O’Malley was leaving his favorite bar when he was run over by a bus. He gets to the gates of heaven and St. Peter tells him he cannot enter unless he passes a test. What choice did he have, O’Malley agrees to try as he never was the brightest bulb in the box.
St. Peter decides to go easy on him, ‘What has 5 fingers and is made of black leather?’ he asks. O’Malley scratches his head, thinks hard, and finally gives up. ‘It’s a glove says St. Peter.’
Let’s try again. ‘What has 10 fingers and is made of black leather?’ asks St. Peter. O’Malley is stumped. After a few minutes of pacing in a circle and scratching his head, O’Malley gives up. ‘Why it’s 2 gloves – don’t you see 10 fingers, black leather, says St. Peter amazed.’ Being in a generous mood, St. Peter decides to give O’Malley yet another chance but thinking of an even easier question.
‘Who is the patron Saint of Ireland?’ asks St. Peter, thinking he can’t miss this.
‘It wouldn’t be 3-gloves, would it?’ says O’Malley.
Irish Jokes on Drinking – Tales for St. Patrick’s Day
- This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever. Sigmund Freud (about the Irish)
Irish Road Blessing and Irish Toasts for St Patrick’s Day
Here is Will and Guy’s collection of Irish jokes, blessings, poems, and toasts.
Irish ‘Road’ Blessing:
May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine down upon your face
And the rain fall soft upon your fields
Until we meet again
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.
Irish Blessings – For the Country:
May the Irish hills caress you.
May her lakes and rivers bless you.
May the luck of the Irish enfold you.
May the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you.
Irish jokes and Pictures of St Patrick’s Day Dogs
The Irish are famed for their love of animals in general and dogs in particular. Here are funny pictures of dogs taken on St Patrick’s Day.
Below, we’ll present further Irish jokes represented on pictures.
Classic St Patrick’s Day Dog
The green rinse is all the rage for dogs on St Patrick’s Day. By the way, did you spot the leprechaun with his St Patrick’s Day hat?
Green Poodle
When March the 17th is over, it’s back to normal. Let’s wash off that green rinse.
Faithful St Patrick’s Day Dog with Shamrock
O’Connor and the Fierce Dog
O’Connor was sitting in Ward’s Irish bar, Piccadilly, London with a large Rottweiler at his feet.
‘Does your dog bite?’ asks Murphy. ‘No,’ replies O’Connor.
So Murphy pats the dog who almost rips his arm off completely. ‘Hey!’ screams Murphy, ‘you said your dog didn’t bite, O’Connor.’
‘That’s not my dog Murphy,’ concludes O’Connor.
Tricolour balloons released on St Patrick’s Day
We believe that the tricolor balloons were released in Trafalgar Square, London.
St Patrick ‘Greening’ Celebrations
One of Italy’s iconic sites will be turned a shade of green on Saturday to mark St Patrick’s Day.
Greening famous attractions is part of a promotional campaign that Tourism Ireland has been involved in over the past three years; the Leaning Tower of Pisa and Niagara Falls are new additions to this year’s campaign.
Now, let’s return to some more Irish jokes and stories.
Irish Engineers on Site
Dermot and Patrick are standing at the base of a flagpole looking up. Rita walks by and asks them what they are doing.
Patrick answers, ‘We’re supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we don’t have a ladder.’
Rita takes out an adjustable spanner from her handbag, loosens a few bolts, and lays the flagpole down. She finds a tape measure in her pocket, takes a few measurements, and announces that its length is 18 feet 6 inches.
Then, Rita walks off.
Dermot says to Patrick, ‘Isn’t that just typical? We ask for the height and she gives us the length.’
Funny St Patrick’s Day Quotes
Here is Will and Guy’s collection of St Patrick’s Day Quotes Irish jokes, blessings, poems, and toasts for 17th March.
Every Saint Patrick’s Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. Anon
Drôle Irish Quotes for St Patrick’s Day
Below, you’ll see further Irish jokes in a form of quotes:
- In Ireland, the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs. – John Pentland Mahaffy
- Work is the curse of the drinking classes. – Oscar Wilde
- A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it. – George Moore
- Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning. – George Bernard Shaw
- These things I warmly wish for you: Someone to love, some work to do, A bit o’ sun, a bit o’ cheer, And a guardian angel always near. – Irish Blessing
Will and Guy’s Selection of Quotes By Irish Men and Women
If Will and Guy have a specialty, then it’s seeking variety, and that is what you will find in these ten favorite, clean, and funny St Patrick’s Day jokes and quotations f.
- Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity. – Sean O’Casey
- I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted. – Soccer superstar George Best
- If you could drink dreams like the Irish streams Then the world would be as high as the mountain of Mourne In the Pool they told us the story of how the English divided the land… – John Lennon, “The Luck of the Irish” (song)
- I only drink on two occasions – When I am thirsty and when I’m not thirsty. – Brendan Behan
- Ireland is a peculiar society in the sense that it was a nineteenth-century society up to about 1970 and then it almost bypassed the twentieth century. – John McGahern
- I’m an Irish Catholic and I have a long iceberg of guilt. – Edna O’Brien
- A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart. – Jonathan Swift
- The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. – James Boswell
- The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven’t seen the joke yet. – Oliver Herford
- A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. Irish Proverb
