Labor Day jokes reflect the mood of this day being a quiet, relaxing holiday, rather than a razzmatazz celebration of the 4th of July. However, here are amusing items that Will and Guy have unearthed for this September Holiday.
Labor Day Funny Story – The Elevator
In the week before Labor Day, Eli, a poor country farmer won $480,000 in the Lottery. As a treat, he took his wife and their four children to see the Labor Day parade in New York.
They booked into the Sheraton International at the corner of Park Circle and Central Park North. Having never been further than their local town, Benton in Arkansas they were bowled over by the glitz and excitement of the “Big Apple”.
Eli and his son Clem were especially mesmerized by a shiny box with silver walls. They had never before met with doors that could move apart, and then automatically come back together again. Neither had seen an elevator [lift] before. Therefore, they were amazed when a little old lady entered the shiny box and the door closed. The lights outside on the wall flashed for a minute, then the doors opened, and out came a beautiful young woman.
Eli turned to his son Clem and said, ‘Son, go get your mother.’
Labor Day Jokes If You Are Staying in a Hotel
- Amusing Notice in New Mexico Reception: The elevator is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
- Please leave your values at the front desk.
- Notice in the Bar: Special cocktails: For the ladies with nuts.
- Notice in the Hotel Shop: Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.
- Take one of our horse-driven tours – we guarantee no miscarriages. Or, would you like to ride on your own ass?
[Funny how one cartoon reminds you of another …]
Funny Labor Day Cartoon If You Are Staying At Home
More Labor Day Jokes and One-liners
- Father: Do you know, most people don’t have to work today, because it’s Labour Day.Son: If people are not working, shouldn’t we call today ‘No-Labour Day?’
- Did you hear the one about Labor Day? It works for me!
- One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday. However, the only person to get his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
- If a train station is where the train stops, and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station?
- If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. Doug Larson
- ‘It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose your own.’ Harry S. Truman
Classic Labor Day Joke
A Russian cousin arrives in West Sacramento CA
American cousin: How do you say ‘Labor Day’ in Russian?
Russian cousin: Another freezing and snowy day.
Finding the Right Job
In honor of Labor Day, here’s a first-person report of someone who was not quite as successful as he had hoped to be in the job market:
As a young man
- My first job was in an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned.
- Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
- After that, I tried working in a donut shop, but I soon got tired of the hole business.
- I manufactured calendars, but my days were numbered.
- I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing.
- I took a job as an upholsterer, but I never recovered.
In my prime
- Next, I tried working in a car muffler factory, but that was exhausting.
- I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
- Then I was a pilot but tended to wing it, and I didn’t have the right altitude.
- I studied to become a doctor, but I didn’t have enough patients for the job.
- I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn’t stick with it.
- I tried my hand at a professional career in tennis, but it wasn’t my racket. I was too high-strung.
- I became a baker, but it wasn’t a cakewalk, and I couldn’t make enough dough. They fired me after I left a cake out in the rain.
- I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way.
- I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company,
but the work was just too draining.
Later in life
- Then I became a personal trainer in a gym, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
- I thought about being a historian, but I couldn’t see a future in it.
- Next, I was an electrician, but I found the work shocking and revolting, so they discharged me.
- I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my faculties, and my class.
- I turned to farming, but I wasn’t outstanding in my field.
- I took a job as an elevator operator. The job had its ups and downs and I got the shaft.
- I sold origami, but the business folded.
Finally:
- I took a job at UPS, but I couldn’t express myself.
- I tried being a fireman, but I suffered burnout.
- I became a banker, but I lacked interest and maturity and finally withdrew from the job.
- I was a professional fisherman, but I couldn’t live on my net income.
- I next worked in a shoe factory, but I just didn’t fit in. They thought I was a loafer, and I got the boot.
- I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
- So I’ve retired, and I find I’m a perfect fit for this job!
Something Different To Chew Over on Labor Day
Do Snack Food Preferences Affect Job Choices? Will and Guy Explain
According to a snack food study discovered by Will and Guy: The average American will have three to five careers, 10 to 12 jobs, and will hold each job for an average of 3.5 years throughout his or her lifetime. These figures we have collected from the U.S. Department of Labor.
After a positive response to his 1999 study linking snack foods to distinct personality traits, Dr. Hirsch extended his study to reveal that savory snacks can also help determine an appropriate career. More than 18,000 adult volunteers across thirty-five occupations were surveyed to determine the correlation between their occupation and their favorite snack food.
Chip lovers are ambitious and successful: If you crave potato chips, you should be a lawyer, tennis pro, police officer, or CEO they are competitive and have high expectations, not only of themselves, but of those around them. Competitive in business, sports, and social situations.
Pretzels: fire-fighter, journalist, flight attendant, veterinarian or pediatrician. Lively and energetic, those who crave pretzels seek novelty and easily become bored by routine. They make decisions based on intuition and emotion, especially in romantic relationships.
Tortilla Chips: farmers, travel agents, chefs, clergy, or newsreaders; they are perfectionists who are also humanitarians. Sticklers for punctuality, you will rarely see a tortilla eater late for an appointment.
Cheese Curls: real estate agent, psychiatrist, or producer. Formal, always proper, conscientious, and principled, people who crave this have a highly developed sense of integrity and maintain the moral high ground with their family, co-workers, and romantic partners. They plan ahead for any possible catastrophe. With elastoplasts and batteries, the cheese curl lover’s house is always stocked and ready.
Popcorn: teacher, artist, truck driver, nurse, judge or neurosurgeon. They are self-assured and confident, those who prefer popcorn are best described as “take charge sort of people.” A popcorn enthusiast will not hesitate to assume extra work on the job or take on extra duties at social gatherings. Even though they are self-confident, popcorn lovers are modest and humble, and would never be considered show-offs.
Nuts: plumber, architect, sanitation worker, cardiologist, or politician. Those who prefer nuts tend to be easygoing, empathic, and understanding. When confronted with an emotionally charged situation, they can be counted on to keep calm and not join the fray, allowing time for the emotional upheaval to pass. Their even-handed nature makes them well-suited for dealing with the public during emergency situations. While nut aficionados may not always be leaders, it is their demeanor and assistance that allows the family or workplace to succeed.
Snack Crackers: stockbroker or professional race car driver. Snack cracker devotees tend to be contemplative and thoughtful, and base their decisions on solid reasoning instead of their emotions. They value their private time and are most creative when allowed to be alone, free from daily responsibilities and interruptions.
Meat Snacks: dentist or bartender. Those who crave a satisfying stick of beef jerky or a mouth-watering bag of pork rinds are the life of the party. Gregarious and social, meant snack lovers are at their best amidst the company of others. They are loyal and true friends who can always be trusted and will make extraordinary self-sacrifices to please others.
Summary: Do Snack Food Preferences Affect Job Choices?
‘A person’s job selection reflects his essential essence and his personality,’ writes Dr. Hirsch. ‘Food choices, selection of clothing, movies, and spouses can provide insight into personality and character structure. Thus the typical personality traits associated with savory snack preferences can be used to help predict occupational choices because a person’s job selection also reflects his essential essence and his personality,’ says Dr. Hirsch.
Five Funny, Honest, Thought-provoking, and Famous Quotes About Work
- Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? Edgar Bergen
- Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. Robert Orben
- Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, “Certainly, I can!” Then get busy and find out how to do it.’
Theodore Roosevelt - One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important. Bertrand Russell
- Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work. Gustave Flaubert
Plus one more: Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still? J. Paul Getty
More Classic Labor Day Jokes
Unreasonable Labor?
‘I’m never going to work for that man again.’ ‘Why, what did he say?’ ‘You’re fired.’
The Final Payment
Roland, a businessman, is on his deathbed so he calls his friend and says, ‘Eli, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.’
‘And what,’ Eli asks, ‘do you want me to do with your ashes?’
Roland replies, ‘Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, ‘Now you have everything.’
The Worker
The Castle Rock, Colorado, Wage, and Hours Government Department claimed Mickey was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
‘I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,’ demanded the agent.
‘Well,’ replied old Mickey, ‘There’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.’
‘That’s the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,’ says the agent.
‘That would be me,’ replied old rancher Mickey.
Labor Day Poem – ‘No Work Today’
No work today,
the day of Labor Day,
no school today,
the day of Labor Day,
last day of white to be worn,
last day of summer to enjoy.
