Will and Guy’s collection of short Christmas stories, many with a humorous twist. Also, please send us your short Christmas stories and we will publish it with a credit to you.
The Missing Five Pound Note
Let’s start our collection of short Christmas stories with the missing five pound note. Chippenham George worked for the Post Office and his job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day just before Christmas, a letter landed on his desk simply addressed in shaky handwriting: ‘To God’. With no other clue on the envelope, George opened the letter and read:
Dear God,
I am a 93-year-old widow living on the State pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had in the world, and no pension due until after Christmas. Next week is Christmas and I had invited two of my friends over for Christmas lunch. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. God; can you please help me?
Chippenham George was touched, and being kind-hearted, he put a copy of the letter up on the staff notice board at the main Fareham sorting office where he worked. The letter touched the other postmen and they all dug into their pockets and had a whip round. Between them, they raised £95. [$170] Using an officially franked Post Office envelope, they sent
the cash onto the old lady, and for the rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of the nice thing they had done.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter simply addressed to ‘God’ landed in the Sorting Office. Many of the postmen gathered around while George opened the letter. It read,
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your generosity, I was able to provide a lovely luncheon for my friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift – in fact, we haven’t gotten over it and even Father John, our parish priest, is beside himself with joy. By the way, there was £5 [$10] missing. I think it must have been those thieving fellows at the Post Office.
George could not help to muse on Oscar Wilde’s quote: ‘A good deed never goes unpunished’
Gerry Adams Joke Bank Note
But short Christmas stories that feature bank notes doesn’t end there. A rumor circulated that Sinn Fein, the political wing of the IRA, was involved in the £26.5m raid on the Northern Bank in Belfast in December 2004. It was not long before humorists created Gerry Adams pictures on ‘funny money’.
Dear Santa…
French police have had their wish granted after writing to Father Christmas to ask for new police cars. Police in Marignane, near Marseille, told Santa ‘Even your sleigh is faster’ after being told
there was not enough money in the coffers to replace their aging cars. The letter, addressed to Father Christmas and written on official police note paper, read, ‘Dear Santa, our cars can’t handle the job anymore. If you think we are exaggerating, you can try out the cars yourself. Even your sleigh is better than one of them.’
Local authorities have now put up the cash to buy new cars for police after seeing the letter published in the short Christmas stories section of a local paper.
The Saga of Santa Hats in the Philippines
Not surprisingly, Santa Claus is the main character of many short Christmas stories. More than 1,000 police officers are wearing Santa hats in the Philippine capital for the Christmas holidays, traditionally the busiest time for thieves.
Manila police spokesman Giovanni Valera said, ‘We are wearing this to show the people that during this Christmas season, our hearts and minds are on serving the Filipino people.’
Metropolitan Manila police chief Geary Barias said 1,000 officers and 700 police recruits have traded their blue caps for Santa hats to patrol the crime-ridden streets. Residents generally praised the idea. ‘This serves as a reminder that Christmas is coming and we should have peace,’ said Dennis Perez, one of the locals.
Footnote: Will and Guy think that Santa hats for Police officers at Christmas are a nice ‘soft’ touch.
Very Short Christmas Stories
In this section, we’ll focus on very short Christmas stories that are amusing and interesting at the same time.
Carol’s in a Stable at Christmas
A mother named Carol Christmas is planning her family’s festive celebrations in a stable. Carol was forced out of her home by the summer floods which swept across the UK in 2007. Mrs Christmas said she has been preparing to participate in ‘her nativity’ since her cottage in Bushley, near Tewkesbury, Gloucestershire, UK, was wrecked by the deluge in July. Her family has been staying in a neighbor’s stable conversion for the past five months while repair work is done on their home.
Merry Christmas to You, Mary Christmas
Another one among our favorite short Christmas stories is about Marry Young. Merry Christmas to you, Mary Christmas. That’s what the former Mary Young will be hearing this holiday season after she married Brian Christmas recently.
‘It was meant to be,’ Mary Christmas told her local newspaper. ‘God has a sense of humor. What are the chances that it would ever happen?’ She has found, however, that she is not alone. Mary Christmas has been working at Ancestry.com for three years and discovered there are as many
as 100 other Mary Christmases in the United States. ‘The last name of Christmas has its origins in Wales,’ she said, ‘It was given to people that were born on Christmas Day,’ she continued.
Service?
It was a cold and misty Christmas morning in the very depth of winter after a heavy fall of snow and only Farmer Evans and the Reverend Joseph Lancaster managed to arrive at the church for the morning service.
‘Well,’ said the Vicar laconically, ‘I guess there’s no point in having a service today.’
‘Well that’s not how I see it.’ said Farmer Evans smartly. ‘If only one cow turns up at feeding time, I still feed it.’
Next, we’ll return to short Christmas stories that feature Santa Claus.
Christmas Tale: Santa Gets a Parking Ticket
In England, a jobsworth was at work in Nottingham when Santa got a parking ticket, a warden booked him after his sleigh stopped on yellow, lines. Richard Walters, pictured left, dressed in a Father Christmas costume had towed the sleigh behind his Land Rover to a street in Nottingham
where the Round Table was making a charity collection and as he unhitched it and pushed it onto the pavement the warden struck.
Furious Richard, 38, exploded, ‘It’s ridiculous. We are raising money for a good cause at Christmas. I will be appealing.’
Meanwhile, in New Zealand, Jobsworths See the Light
Nelson City Council, in South Island, New Zealand has withdrawn a parking ticket issued to a Salvation Army van as it loaded up with Christmas presents for needy children in a show of real Christmas spirit which should be commended.
The van was parked on yellow lines while it collected the donated goods in Nelson. Will and Guy have learned that parking the warden apologized to the driver as the $60 ticket was handed over. The council said it had received a satisfactory explanation from the Salvation Army for the infringement and the notice had been cancelled. Merry Christmas is what we say!
Christmas is for Love – Classic Tale
This one is among classic short Christmas stories.
‘Christmas is for love’ is among those short Christmas stories that Will and Guy have found on the internet and we would like to share it with you, the author remains unknown. It is not funny but is worth reading when considering what the Christmas message means to each of us as individuals.
Christmas is for love. It is for joy, for giving and sharing, for laughter, for reuniting with family and friends, for tinsel and brightly covered packages. But, mostly Christmas is for love. I had not believed this until a small elfin-like pupil with wide innocent eyes and soft rosy cheeks gave me a wondrous gift one Christmas.
Matthew was a 10-year-old orphan who lived with his aunt, a bitter, middle-aged woman greatly annoyed with the burden of caring for her dead sister’s son. She never failed to remind young Matthew, that if it hadn’t been for her generosity, he would be a vagrant, homeless waif. Still,
with all the scolding and chilliness at home, he was a sweet and gentle child.
I had not noticed Matthew particularly until he began staying after class each day [at the risk of arousing his aunt’s anger so I learned later] to help me straighten up the room. We did this quietly and comfortably, not speaking much, but enjoying the solitude of that hour of the day. When we did talk, Matthew spoke mostly of his mother. Though he was quite young when she died, he remembered a kind, gentle, loving woman who always spent time with him.
As Christmas drew near, however, Matthew failed to stay after school each day. I looked forward to his coming, and when the days passed and he continued to scamper from the room after class, I stopped him one afternoon and asked him why he no longer helped me in the room. I told him how I had missed him, and his large brown eyes lit up eagerly as he replied, ‘Did you miss me?’
I explained how he had been my best helper, ‘I was making you a surprise,’ he whispered confidentially. ‘It’s for Christmas.’ With that, he became embarrassed and dashed from the room. He didn’t stay after school anymore after that.
Finally came the last school day before Christmas. Matthew crept slowly into the room late that afternoon with his hands concealing something behind his back. ‘I have your present,’ he said timidly when I looked up. ‘I hope you like it.’ He held out his hands, and there lying in his small palms was a tiny wooden box.
‘It’s beautiful, Matthew. Is there something in it?’ I asked opening the top to look inside. ‘Oh you can’t see what’s in it,’ he replied, ‘and you can’t touch it, or taste it or feel it, but mother always said it makes you feel good all the time, warm on cold nights and safe when you’re all alone.’
I gazed into the empty box. ‘What is it, Matthew’ I asked gently, ‘that will make me feel so good?’
‘It’s love,’ he whispered, ‘and mother always said it’s best when you give it away.’ He
turned and quietly left the room.
So now I keep a small box crudely made of scraps of wood on the piano in my living room and only smile when inquiring friends raise quizzical eyebrows when I explain to them there is love in it.
Yes, Christmas is for gaiety, mirth, song, and good and wondrous gifts. But as these short Christmas stories prove, mostly Christmas is for love.
A Warm Witty Short Christmas Story
Let’s move on to wittier short Christmas stories and tales.
It was the day after Christmas at St Peter and St Paul’s church in Borden, Kent, England. Father John, the vicar, was looking at the nativity scene outside when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the figures.
Immediately, Father John’s thoughts turned to calling in the local policeman but as he was about to do so, he saw little Nathan with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
Father John approached Nathan and asked him, ‘Well, Nathan, where did you get the little infant?’
Nathan looked up, smiled, and replied, ‘I took him from the church.’
‘And why did you take him?’
With a sheepish grin, Nathan said, ‘Well, Father John, about a week before Christmas I prayed to Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it.’
Another Christmas Short Story: An Irreligious Slant Which May Make You Smile
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, Will and Guy attended a press conference last week where was announced that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. Surprisingly, this story became a part of their short Christmas stories. An industry source said that the deal had taken approximately 1300 years to agree.
While details were not available at this time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we’re told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the ‘Fifteen Days of Chrismukkah’, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a much wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to “A great miracle happened there,” the message on the *dreydl will be the more generic “Miraculous stuff happens.” In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.
One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and biscuits or cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this. A spokesman for Christmas Ltd.,
declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah [Hanukkah] might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance.
He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of “Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful.”
*Dreidel or Dreydl is a Jewish game using a 4 sided top.
Christmas Celebration Banned – 1695
Now, let’s pause telling modern short Christmas stories for a while and let us go back in time; back to the year of our lord 1695, and to the place called Bay Colony in Massachusetts. We arrive at the meeting house just in time to hear the General Council pass a law forbidding the celebration of Christmas. To enforce their diktat the Council required a five-shilling fine from anyone caught, ‘Observing any such day as Christmas or the like, either by forbearing of labor, feasting, or any other way.’
We have to remember that in 1695 these colonists were strict Puritans, thus they took the line that there was no Biblical reference to seasonal excess at Christmas. Consequently, they kept to the pure religious observance of Christmas with no feasting.
World’s First Musical Sandwich
Interestingly, the story of the world’s first musical sandwich became a part of Will and Guy’s short Christmas stories.
Tesco is launching what it claims is the world’s first musical sandwich.
The sandwich plays a medley of Christmas tunes when the packaging is opened. Tunes include Jingle Bells, Santa Claus is Coming to Town and We Wish You a Merry Christmas.
It features the same technology used in talking greeting cards. ‘The concept of musical sandwiches is something We’ve been looking at for a while now and we thought Christmas would be the perfect time’, said Tesco spokesman Jonathan Church.
The reason why we’re including this among short Christmas stories is that Tesco’s musical sandwich is a traditional Christmas combination of turkey and cranberry sauce with pork and cranberry stuffing.
A Silly, Short, Funny Tale At Christmas
Next part of these short Christmas stories is sillier than you can imagine.
The Crist family worked at a zoo.
Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the gnu. If the gnu’s ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen. But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come.
One year it was young Mary’s turn to “survey” the animal and come up with a prediction. It was her first-time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to take the key to the cage. She was late in coming to check on the gnu. Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it was quite good. To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later:
Mary Crist misses an happy gnu’s year.
An Inspiring Parable At Christmas: It Is More Blessed To Give Than To Receive*
Since this story is related to the Bible, we decided to include it among short Christmas stories.
Corinne was a little girl who was all alone in the world. Her father and mother were both dead. Corinne was so poor that she no longer had a room to live in; neither did she have a bed to sleep in. All Corinne owned were the clothes that she was wearing. As regards food, she had nothing more to eat than a small piece of bread that someone had given her.
Corinne was forsaken by all the world but hoped that God would find a way to help her.
One day she left her home village. Corinne hadn’t walked very far when she saw an old man sitting by the wayside. ‘Oh, my dear child, give me something to eat. I’m so hungry,’ he murmured to her. Corinne, without hesitation, gave him her piece of bread.
When she had gone a little further and the church spire of her village could no longer be seen, she came upon a young child. He only had a shirt on and begged, ‘Could you give me something to cover my head? I’m so cold.’ Corinne, taking pity on the child took off her bonnet and gave it to him.
Further along the road, Corinne observed another child by the woods. She only wore a vest and was trembling with cold. She pleaded, ‘Dear girl, I’m so cold without a skirt. Haven’t you a little skirt for me?’ Corinne, herself, only had her vest and skirt but without hesitating she
took off her skirt presented it to the freezing child and walked on.
Meanwhile, it had become evening. It was dark in the woods. Then another child came towards her and asked, ‘I’m so cold, haven’t you a vest for me?’
Corinne considered this carefully; she thought it was dark here in the woods. Nobody will see me. It won’t matter if I have no clothes and she took off her vest, too, and handed it to the child.
As Corinne stood there without any clothes, the stars started to fall from the sky. They were all hard, shining pennies and although she had just given away her vest, she realized she had a new one on. It was made out of the most delicate fabric and much nicer than her own. Corinne held out the vest with both hands and collected as many of the pennies as she could.
From then on she was rich and lived without any worries at all. That’s the ending of one of the best short Christmas stories on Will and Guy’s collection.
*Bible: Acts 20:35
Funny Short Christmas Stories
Here is Will and Guy’s collection of short Christmas stories with a humorous and festive theme.
The Saga of the Christmas Loser
We’re starting these funny short Christmas stories with the saga of the Christmas loser.
Late home after a night out, a youngster attempted to climb into his home down the chimney. He did not want to wake other residents in the Judson Center social services agency; also he had broken his curfew and wanted no trouble.
In best Santa Claus mode he climbed onto the roof and let himself down the chimney; unfortunately, he was too large, and he became stuck. The 17-year-old began moaning and was heard and rescued. Firefighters and police officers from the City of Royal Oak, Michigan,
USA had to pull him out. The youth suffered from minor scrapes and bruises.
How They Forecast a Cold Winter
The next story from these short Christmas stories is no less amusing.
One day in early September the chief of a Native American tribe was asked by his tribal elders if the winter of 2011/12 was going to be cold or mild. The chief asked his medicine man, but he too had lost touch with the reading signs from the natural world around the Great Lakes.
In truth, neither of them had any idea about how to predict the coming winter. However, the chief decided to take a modern approach, and the chief rang the National Weather Service in Gaylord Michigan.
‘Yes, it is going to be a cold winter,’ the meteorological officer told the chief. Consequently, he went back to his tribe and told the men to collect plenty of firewood.
A fortnight later the chief called the Weather Service and asked for an update. ‘Are you still forecasting a cold winter?’ he asked.
‘Yes, very cold’, the weather officer told him.
As a result of this brief conversation, the chief went back to the tribe and told his people to collect every bit of wood they could find.
A month later the chief called the National Weather Service once more and asked about the coming winter. ‘Yes,’ he was told, ‘it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.’
‘How can you be so sure?’ the chief asked.
The weatherman replied: ‘Because the Native Americans of the Great Lakes are collecting wood like crazy.’
Hopefully, you’re finding these short Christmas stories as enjoyable as we do so far.
Two Idiotic Reactions to Freezing Weather [Don’t try these at home]
The following short Christmas stories are based on real-life situations.
1) This is a true story about John Porter, from New York State, USA, whose pipes in his home froze one winter. Anxious to unfreeze them, Mr Porter backed his car up to an open window so that the exhaust would warm up the house.
A little while later Porter, his wife, and their three children had to be rushed to hospital suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning.
This one is also among the true short Christmas stories:
2) George Gibbs, from Columbus, Ohio, suffered second-degree burns on his head. This is what happened one cold winter morning. Unable to start his car, George diagnosed the problem as a frozen fuel line which he thought he could correct by running warm petrol through it. He then tried to heat a two-gallon can of petrol on his gas stove in the kitchen. Ah…..
Note that you shouldn’t repeat anything from the following short Christmas stories at home.
Did You Know?
The latest cold spell that is part of our short Christmas stories has brought chaos to parts of the UK. It has its funny side also. Heard on BBC Radio an announcement that said ‘The Open Air Winter Wonderland Show in Cardiff, Wales, has been closed because of the snow.’
[You couldn’t make it up!]
Yarn of the Seat in Stand
Freddie and John were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Chelsea. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (B14) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.
One half-time Freddie went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for B14. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.
Then on Boxing Day, much to Freddie and Eddie’s amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. John could not resist asking the newcomer, ‘Where have you been all season’. Don’t ask he said, the wife bought the season ticket back last summer and kept it for a surprise
Christmas present.
This one is indeed among Will and Guy’s favorite short Christmas stories.
Try Before You Buy!
Although this tale from our short Christmas stories is only a few words, it’s worth including:
Myra was going to the Christmas office party but needed a new party dress.
In the clothing store, she asked, ‘May I try on that dress in the window, please?’
‘Certainly not, madam,’ responded the salesgirl, ‘You’ll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.’
Mirror Image – Christmas Fable
Mirror Image is one of the short Christmas stories that takes place on Christmas Eve.
On Christmas Eve, Nathan thought it would be nice to buy his wife a little gift for the next day. Always short of money, he thought long and hard about what that present might be.
Unable to decide, Nathan entered Debenhams and in the cosmetics section he asked the girl, ‘How about some perfume?’ She showed him a bottle costing £75. [$150]
‘Too expensive,’ muttered Nathan.
The young lady returned with a smaller bottle for £50. ‘Oh dear,’ Nathan groused, ‘still far too much.’
Growing rather annoyed at Nathan’s meanness, the sales girl brought out a tiny £10 bottle and offered it to him.
Nathan became agitated, ‘What I mean’, he whined, ‘is I’d like to see something cheap.’
So the sales girl handed him a mirror.
Next, we’ll move on to even funnier short Christmas stories.
An Amusing and True Funny Story At Christmas
The following tale from the short Christmas stories is based on a true story.
A seven-year-old boy was stopped by police in northern Germany while trying to plow snow with a front loader he borrowed from his parents’ business, authorities have told Will and Guy. Officers on patrol found the boy atop the 3.5-meter-tall [11.5-foot-tall] excavator after he had cleared the street in the town of Reinfeld and was driving back to the parking lot. The child noticed the police car behind him and stopped immediately.
‘He opened the door, got out, and admitted immediately that he did not have a driving license,’ the police report said. When asked why he had begun plowing, he said his father had complained about the state of the roads. He saw the key in the ignition of the vehicle and set off.
Police retrieved the key to the loader from the child and returned it, and the boy, to his mother.
Amusing Christmas Turkey Story
Christmas turkeys are an integral part of most short Christmas stories. This one is no exception.
Sarah new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, ‘Richard doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.’
‘Now, now,’ her mother comforted, ‘I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.’
‘No, mother, you don’t understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price.’
‘Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate,’ says her mum. ‘Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.’
‘No, Mother it wasn’t the price of the turkey. It was the airplane ticket.’ “Aeroplane ticket….” What did you need an airplane ticket for?’
‘Well Mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said: “Prepare from a frozen state,” so I flew to Alaska.’
Hopefully, you enjoy hearing turkey-related short Christmas stories as well. Now, let’s continue to further short Christmas stories.
More Funny Short Christmas Stories
In this section, we’ll introduce even funnier short Christmas stories.
Christmas Queue Folly
Just before Christmas, I was shopping at a toy fayre in Worcester
I glanced to my left and caught sight of a queue at the doll counter; they were waiting for the shelves to be restocked with Mattel dolls. As I looked I realized that in the queue was a good friend of mine. Knowing Lennie well I was sure that he had no daughters nor did he have any nieces so I wondered why he should want to buy a doll at Christmas time
‘Hey, Lennie,’ I cried, ‘I hadn’t realized you collected dolls.’ ‘I don’t,’ he replied laughing’
‘Really,’ I queried, ‘then you must be buying a Christmas present then?’ ‘No, not at all, my friend,’ responded Lennie, his eyes twinkling merrily’
‘If you don’t mind my asking then Lennie,’ I said, ‘Why exactly are you standing in this particular queue?’
‘Oh that,’ he giggled. ‘It’s like this, my mate,’ he mused, ‘I’ve never been able to resist a Barbie queue.’
As you can see, tales about presents are part of most short Christmas stories.
Short Funny Xmas Story
The next Xmas story is one of the most amusing short Christmas stories.
Just before Xmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer, and Santa Claus all got into the lift (elevator) at the Ritz Hotel in London. As the lift traveled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, one-by-one they noticed a £50 note lying on the lift’s floor.
Which one picked up the £50 note, and handed it in at reception?
Santa of course, the other two don’t exist!
Footnote: This yarn was sent in by John Bains: Please send us your funny short Christmas stories.
The Christmas Hold-up Tale
It was Christmas Eve; the department store manager was in his office just paying off Father Christmas. All of a sudden a teenager ordered the manager to hand over the not inconsiderable takings.
The manager was wondering what to do, so the teenager attempted to fire his gun to make the manager’s mind open the till and hand over the money. Although the robber pulled the trigger, nothing happened, so unbelievably, he peered down the barrel and then
fired again.
This time it worked.
After this hold-up tale, we’ll continue telling short Christmas stories that are amusing and relatable.
A Nice Drink – Funny Story at Christmas
Two days before Christmas Jimmy set off in his minibus to collect a batch of open prison inmates. His mission, as usual, was to take them for their radiation treatment at a nearby hospital. Since it was Christmas, one of the 12 offered to buy Jimmy a drink. So they stopped off at the Rose and Crown pub, and all had a nice drink. On the way out Jimmy detoured to the gents, when he came out of the loo, all the prisoners had disappeared. He looked in all the pub’s bars and drove around for half an hour, no sign of the inmates. They had all made their escape.
What could Jimmy do? Thinking quickly, he braked at a particularly long bus queue and told the waiting people that he was a relief bus. Whereupon he picked up the first 12 and drove them to the open prison. He then radioed ahead to the warders giving a ‘Code Yellow’ message. This was a pre-arranged signal that some of the prisoners were playing up. Jimmy unloaded his passengers, and he then beat a hasty retreat. Amazingly, his trickery wasn’t discovered until the New Year.
If you can think of short Christmas stories like this, don’t hesitate to send them to us.
Grandpa’s Christmas Story
Grandpa’s are often featured in most famous short Christmas stories.
Grandpa decided that shopping for Christmas presents had become too difficult. All his grandchildren had everything they needed, so he decided to send them each a cheque (check).
On each card, he wrote:
‘Happy Christmas Grandpa’
P.S. ‘Buy your own present!’
Conclusion: Now, while Grandpa enjoyed the family festivities, he thought that his grandchildren were just slightly distant. It preyed on his mind into the New Year. Then one day he was sorting out his study and under a pile of magazines, he found a little pile of cheques (checks) for his grandchildren. He had completely forgotten to put them in with the Christmas cards.
The Funniest and Shortest Christmas Story
Let us introduce the funniest one among our short Christmas stories:
Place: The Newtown School nativity play
Scene: The Inn at Bethlehem on Christmas Eve
Joseph: Do you have any room at the inn?
Inn Keeper: (Overplaying his role) Yes, plenty, come on in.
Joseph: [Jaw drops, speechless]
Addendum: In the nativity play, the Innkeeper is supposed to say ‘There is no room in the inn’, and this is how the baby Jesus came to be born in a stable.
This is the only one among our short Christmas stories in the dialogue format. Next, we’ll focus on short Christmas stories in religious settings.
Another Christmas Tale from the Inn
Did you hear about the St Jude’s Primary School Nativity Play? Two children are dressed as Mary and Joseph, and they are on their way to the Inn in Bethlehem.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the stage, a lad in a shepherd’s outfit is on a mobile phone, calling to make a reservation.
Now it’s time to introduce the best tale among our short Christmas stories.
Best Christmas Story
It was the day after Christmas at St Peter and St Paul’s church in Borden, Kent, England. Father John, the vicar, was looking at the nativity scene outside when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the figures.
Immediately, Father John’s thoughts turned to calling in the local policeman but as he was about to do so, he saw little Nathan with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
Father John approached Nathan and asked him, ‘Well, Nathan, where did you get the little infant?’
Nathan looked up, smiled, and replied, ‘I took him from the church.’
‘And why did you take him?’
With a sheepish grin, Nathan said, ‘Well, Father John, about a week before Christmas I prayed to Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it.’
A True Christmas Silly Story
Stories of being alone during Christmas often get among our short Christmas stories.
Home alone one Christmas, a Maine woman was in the doghouse when she called the “Butterball Turkey Talk-Line”.
Apparently, found Will and Guy, while preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua jumped into the bird’s body cavity and couldn’t get out. She tried pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked. She and the dog became more and more distraught.
After calming the woman down, the Talk-Line home economist suggested carefully cutting the opening in the cavity of the turkey wider.
It worked and Maxwell was free. Too silly to make up say Will and Guy.
Very Funny Short Christmas Stories
In this section, we’ll discuss a few more short Christmas stories that are amusing.
Reindeer’s Story at Christmas
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.
Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should have known… ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
Names of the other Reindeer
In addition to Rudolph, Santa has nine more reindeer who haul the sleigh the other reindeer are called: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, and Donner.
Father Christmas Calls
Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, ‘from Father Christmas.’
A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Christmas morning, we became aware that he was looking quite down in the mouth for no obvious reason.
‘What’s the matter, Al?’ I asked.
‘Ummmm, ‘replied Alex slowly, ‘I really hoped that you and Mummy would give me something for Christmas.’
Trust Him?
On the Sunday before Christmas, Reverend Billy Graham was walking down Highland Street in Mt Holly, North Carolina on his way to see a parishioner. However, he wanted to post a parcel urgently so he asked a young boy where he could find the post office. When the boy had directed him, Reverend Graham thanked him and said, ‘If you’ll come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven.’ The boy replied, ‘I think I’ll give your sermon a miss. If you don’t even know your way to the post office, how will you lead me to heaven?’
Christmas Turkey
Again, turkeys on Christmas Eve often get featured among short Christmas stories.
It was Christmas Eve at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one.
In desperation, she called over a shop assistant and said, ‘Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
‘No, madam, ‘he replied, ‘they’re all dead.’
Mirror Image – Christmas Fable
On Christmas Eve, Nathan thought it would be nice to buy his wife a little gift for the next day. Always short of money, he thought long and hard about what that present might be.
Unable to decide, Nathan entered Debenhams and in the cosmetics section he asked the girl, ‘How about some perfume?’ She showed
him a bottle costing £75. [$150]
‘Too expensive,’ muttered Nathan.
The young lady returned with a smaller bottle for £50. ‘Oh dear,’ Nathan groused, ‘still far too much.’
Growing rather annoyed at Nathan’s meanness, the sales girl brought out a tiny £10 bottle and offered it to him.
Nathan became agitated, ‘What I mean’, he whined, ‘is I’d like to see something cheap.’
So the sales girl handed him a mirror.
Christmas Spirit
It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, ‘What are you charged with?’
The prisoner replied, ‘Doing my Christmas shopping too early.’
‘That’s no crime’, said the magistrate. ‘Just how early were you doing this shopping?’
‘Before the shop opened’, answered the prisoner.
5 Clean Christmas Quotes:
After discussing multiple short Christmas stories, let’s move on to a few Christmas quotes:
- ‘Merry Christmas, Nearly Everybody!’ Ogden Nash
- ‘Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!’ Charles Dickens
- ‘Love came down at Christmas; Love all lovely, love divine; Love was born at Christmas, Stars and angels gave the sign.’ Christina Rossetti
- I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, Just like the ones I used to know, Where the tree tops glisten And children listen To hear sleigh bells in the snow. Irving Berlin
- ‘I heard the bells on Christmas Day. Their old familiar carols play. And wild and sweet the words repeat. Of peace on earth goodwill to men.’ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Saying a Prayer for the Christmas Meal
The story of saying the prayer also deserves a special place among our short Christmas stories.
Lee, A seven-year-old boy, was asked to say thanks for the Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. Lee began his prayer, thanking God for his Mommy, Daddy, brothers, sister, Grandma, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food.
He gave thanks for the turkey, the stuffing, the Christmas pudding, and even the cranberry sauce. Then Lee paused, and everyone waited … and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, “If I thank God for the Brussels sprouts, won’t he know that I’m lying?”
A Charming, Short, Witty Cat Story For Christmas
Once upon a time, there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn’t buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl.
‘You’re getting your Christmas present a week early this year,’ her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. ‘Is that what you want?’
The little girl said, ‘It’s wonderful, mother…just what I wanted. There’s just one thing wrong!’ ‘What’s that?’ her mother asked. ‘Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw – but the poor little thing has no claws at all
in the middle of its paws!’
Her mother smiled. ‘Don’t worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you’ll find the claws are there.’
Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worried d about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasn’t even a hint, a clue, or an inkling of claws in the middle of its paws. When Christmas Eve arrived and there was still no sign, Kitty went to her mother and asked again, ‘Are you sure that the kitten will have its middle claws tomorrow?
There’s only a few hours to go and there’s not a hint or clue or an inkling as to claws as far as I can see.’
‘Wait till you wake up on Xmas morning,’ her mother smiled and continued stuffing the turkey.
So Kitty went to sleep a worried girl. When she woke up on Christmas morning she ignored the presents in her stocking and rushed downstairs to look at her little kitten. She was astounded, amazed and just a little surprised to see that her kitten had four claws on every paw! The middle
ones had appeared as if by magic. Kitty rushed to her parent’s bedroom. ‘Mummy, Mummy! The kitten has grown its middle claws!’
‘Of course it has,’ her mother grinned. ‘But how did you know?’ Kitty demanded.
Her father rolled over sleepily and sighed, ‘Oh, Kitty, everybody knows that Centre-claws always come at Christmas!’
Author unknown
Best Christmas Present – Midland Texas – “Twelve Days of Christmas”
Animal Services Director Paul O’Neill is hoping puppies, kittens, and adult animals at the shelter will get homes in time for Christmas.
He’s launching the “Twelve Days of Christmas” event providing $25 adoptions which include a rabies shot, city or county license, microchip, and even a present for each animal getting a home.
“We are trying to hold as many adoptable animals as we can,” he tells us. “Hopefully we can get them homes for Christmas.”
This year I figured we might be able to spread Christmas cheer while helping these animals find good homes. So on Monday, I accepted his invitation to visit the shelter with a photographer and share a few pictures with you.
One Happy Christmas Cat
The owners of a cat that went missing four years ago got a late surprise when they were reunited with her on the day after Boxing Day. Willow, who is now 10 years old, disappeared after being let out to play from her home in Princetown, Devon, England in 2007.
The black cat was one of three that vanished from the same close in the town on Dartmoor within months of each other. While one of them turned up in Taunton, Somerset, Willow was finally found in Plymouth.
‘It’s only sinking in now, but it’s the best Christmas present ever,’ Will and Guy learned from owner Cristel Worth. ‘How she managed to stray from Princetown to, about 20 miles away, to get to Elburton, I have no idea. It’s a long journey right across the moors.’
Willow was taken in six months ago by a family from the Elburton area of Plymouth until a space became available at a nearby animal rescue center. But it was not until last week that the Gables Farm Dogs’ and Cats’ Home in Plymouth finally identified her thanks to an implanted microchip.
Mrs Worth, 32, said she was with her husband, Mark, 31, and their two young daughters when she received the call from the charity last Tuesday. ‘We had almost given up hope that we would ever find her again and it was a wonderful experience to know that she had finally come home,’ she told us.
