Cycling Jokes and Funny Bicycle Stories
Here is Will and Guy’s selection of funny cycling jokes and amusing stories.
Ring That Bell
A tired cyclist stuck his thumb out for a lift. After 3 hours he hadn’t got anyone to stop. Eventually, a guy in a sports car pulled over and offered him a lift but, of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car. The driver got some rope out of his boot [trunk] and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the rider, ‘If I go too fast, ring your bell and I’ll slow down.’
Everything went well until another sports car overtook them. The driver forgot all about the cyclist and put his foot down. A short distance down the road, they hammered through a speed trap. The cop with the radar gun radioed ahead to his colleague that 2 sports cars were heading his way at over 150 mph. He then added, ‘And you’re not going to believe this – there’s a cyclist behind them ringing his bell to pass.’
Five Funny Clean Cycling jokes
After reading our favorite story, let’s continue with shorter cycling jokes:
- ‘My dog Dennis is a real nuisance,’ complained Will. ‘He chases everyone on a bicycle. What can I do?’ ‘Take his bike away,’ prompted Guy.
- I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.
- What is a ghost-proof bicycle? One with no spooks in it.
- My granny started cycling at 97 years old. She has been doing ten miles per day every day ever since – and now we don’t know where the heck she is!
- Mr. White was furious when Mattie knocked him down with his new bicycle in the schoolyard. ‘Don’t you know how to ride that yet?’ Mr White roared. ‘Oh yes, sir,’ shouted Mattie over his shoulder. ‘It’s the bell I can’t work yet.’
Cycling Jokes – How I beat Lance Armstrong
This one deserves to be listed among the best cycling jokes.
‘I don’t remember you ever beating Lance Armstrong’ commented Brian, the journalist. ‘When was that?’
‘In the seventh stage of the Tour de France in 2002, I beat him over the head with my water bottle – but he still won the tour!’
Mexican Cyclist
A man on a bike, carrying two saddlebags, was stopped by a guard while crossing the US-Mexican border. He had rigged up a primitive rop bridge to bypass the customs control.
‘What’s in the bags? demanded the guard. ‘Sand,’ the cyclist answered. ‘Take them off. I need to take a look.’ retorted the guard.
The guard emptied the bags and found out they contained nothing but sand. The man reloaded his bags and continued across the border. A week later, the same man was crossing again with two more bags. The guard demanded to see them, and again they contained nothing but sand. This continued every week for six months until one day the cyclist failed to appear. A few days later, that same guard ran into the cyclist in Tijuana.
‘Hey, where have you been?’ the guard enquired. ‘You sure had us wondering. We knew you were smuggling something across the border. So tell me and I won’t say a word. What was it?’
The man smiled broadly and told him the truth, ‘Bicycles!’
Football in Holland: How Supporters Travel to Games
These pictures are great inspiration for most cycling jokes on this page.
Away Team Supporters On Their Bikes
Cycle Storage for Home Team Supporters
So You Think You’ve Had A Bad Day Cycling?
Now, let’s read one of the funniest story among our cycling jokes.
Robert Evans, 46, had a really bad day recently, Will and Guy have learned. Read this short and hilarious [but not for him] account of his day.
Firstly, Mr Evans, from Boulder, Colorado, USA, was knocked down by a car in a hit-and-run incident and was taken to hospital for his injuries, but
was released later that night only slightly hurt. Then, as he was making his way back into town with his bicycle he was hit by a railway train while crossing a bridge. Luckily he was found alive, in a creek, and taken to hospital for a second time; once more his injuries were found not to be
life-threatening. This tale of woe does not end there, Will and Guy have established; because the 50ft long bridge on which Mr Evans was run over by the train is only wide enough for the train, and is not for use by pedestrians.
Robert Evans, now, to add to all his problems, faces prosecution for trespassing. You couldn’t make it up!
Another Lucky Cyclist
Robert isn’t the only cyclist in our list of funny cycling jokes.
James steps off the curb and into the road without looking and promptly gets knocked down by a passing cyclist. ‘You were really lucky there,’ says Dave the cyclist.
‘What on earth are you talking about? That hurt!’ exclaims James, angrily rubbing his head. ‘Well, usually I drive a bus!’, retorts Dave with a grin.
Vicious Cycle
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went around biting people’s arms off?
It was a vicious cycle.
Yes, it’s short but indeed deserves a special place among these cycling jokes.
What a Way to Spend Your Birthday
The next story among our cycling jokes is dedicated to a 48-year-old man from San Diego, California who broke the previous world record for stationary cycling by more than 11 hours. Pete Maisel completed a session that lasted 96 hours, 4 minutes and 8 seconds. In fact, he spent his 48th birthday with his girlfriend, Wendy Gardiner, but in a different way than in previous years. His goal for the non-stop peddling was to raise money for charitable causes and an upcoming bike trek.
Hope you found this one as funny as the rest of cycling jokes in this article. Below, you’ll find more cycling jokes represented on pictures.
What a Way to Spend the Night!
What a Way to Spend the Day!
Meanwhile, the Children Go Shopping And, the Eldest Son ‘Walks’ the Dogs
The best cycling jokes represented on pictures don’t stop there. Take look at these two:
Next, we will continue our cycling jokes by telling some more stories.
Cheek Never Pays
Alan is in court and standing in front of the magistrates after trying to argue his way out of his speeding ticket. The magistrates find him guilty, fine him £80 ($150), and give him a receipt.
Alan, a bit upset by losing the case, sarcastically asks, ‘What am I supposed to do with this, frame it?’
‘No,’ replies the head magistrate, ‘You keep it. Two more and you can get a bicycle.’
Trouble and Strife on Tandem
A man who was riding a tandem was stopped by police. ‘What’s the matter officer?’, asked the rider.
‘Perhaps you didn’t notice sir, but your wife fell off your tandem a mile back . . .’
‘Good grief’, said the rider – ‘I thought I’d gone deaf!’
Footnote: Please send us your funny cycling jokes.
Funny Bicycles, Bikes, Cycles, Treaders, Tandems
Pictures of Funny Bicycles
In this section, we continue providing pictures that present cycling jokes.
Can This Funny Bicycle Possibly Work?
Will says this ice bicycle could work. Guy says that funny iky bikey has no chance? What do you think?
Beware of Chaining Your Bicycle To a Tree
Woolly and Snowy Bikes
Icicle Cycles
And the best part of these cycling jokes is here:
The picture of a snow-covered bicycle was taken by Kat Locke, Hove, East Sussex, England in December 2009.
Skeleton Bike
Eric Tryon, from Canada, invented this rather ghoulish bike that can be ridden. Use these cycling jokes to impresse people at Halloween!
trespassing. You couldn’t make it up!
Bollard – Ouch!
Brings tears to the cyclists’ eyes. Unusual
Next, we have the water hazard
Let’s Get the Shopping
Wooden Bike
From the Sublime to the Outrageous – Swarovski Crystal Bicycle
This is probably the world’s most expensive bicycle at just over £60,000, [approx. $105,000] Think Will and Guy. Called the Gold Bike Crystal
Edition; each of the ten produced is hand-built, gold-plated with 24-carat gold, and decked out with over 600 *Swarovski crystals. Hand-sewn
leather grips and a Brooks leather saddle provide finishing touches to the bike, with each limited edition number embossed with gold leaf and set into a leather badge onto the bike’s head tube. The business, Scandinavian design company Aurumania, has also created a 24-carat gold wall holder for the bike to be displayed as a work of art.
Swarovski Crystals are high-quality Austrian cut glass crystals that are expertly faceted and polished to produce the finest quality crystals
available. The reason for their popularity is that they sparkle and shine like diamonds.
Footnote: Please, send us your pictures that represent funny cycling jokes.
Funny Bike Pictures
Here are our free, funny bike pictures that also inspire cycling jokes. Will and Guy enjoy variety, hence we have a diverse selection of funny bike pictures and amusing stories. By the way, do you call them bikes, cycles, or even the original word bicycles?
Recycle A Bicycle!
More Funny Pictures of Bikes
Our cycling jokes go on with more funny pictures.
Have All Boys Done This?
Joke Cycle?
Bike Security!
Here is a picture of a bike taken one afternoon. When I returned half an hour later the bike was gone. I will always wonder if the bike was stolen
by lifting the yellow wire over the pole, or reclaimed by its rightful owner.
Improved Bike Security – Once Bitten Twice Shy
Portsmouth Man Steals Back His Bike
A Portsmouth man took the law into his own hands after his Specialize bicycle was stolen. Craig Gifford said he was stolen last week after
loaning it to a friend.
Gifford told us that he spotted the stolen bike, which sported a distinctive sticker, advertised for sale shortly afterward in the News. Gifford said he called the police, but he said they were unable to respond right away. The bike, which had been originally purchased for £950 in 2010, was offered for sale at £150, and Gifford said he didn’t want someone else to buy it. He arranged to buy the bicycle and met the seller in North End for a test ride, and Gifford said he simply rode off without paying.
Apparently, the seller called him several times and left messages threatening to call police but Craig Gifford said he posted his advert in The News warning others about the thief, and cautioned that high-end bicycles offered for low prices could be stolen.
Dutch art student and former mechanical engineer Wouter van den Bosch, 29, from Arnhem, made this monster penny farthing from steel tubes, bicycle parts, and a tractor tire.
Cycle Unfriendly Paths
Funny Bicycles on Water
trespassing. You couldn’t make it up!
On Your Bike!
Wheels of Life – Where Are You?
Funny Bike Signs
Here is our collection of funny bike signs.
Sidewalk Ends – Trouble for Bikes
Can you imagine what a cyclist says when they reach this sign (below) – Sidewalk Ends?
Another Cycle Friendly Path?
Imagine little old grannies peddling their bikes up that path.
Jonathan points out that the sign with a white disc and a red border means that cycling is prohibited. But Jonathan also points out that not many folks can cycle up or even down those stairs!
Welsh Cyclists – Strange But True
A road sign appeared in August 2006 in road works being carried out in South Wales between Penarth and Cardiff. To English speakers the sign is quite clear and cyclists are happy to carry out its instruction to dismount. However, to speakers of the Welsh language, the message is very different. Welsh speakers have confirmed to Will that the road sign translates roughly as ‘bladder disease has returned.’
You couldn’t make it up.
Officially this vehicle is a cycle, but my friends and I have always called them bikes.
Cycle Obstacle Course – Follow These Bike Signs!
Phone a Friend? Or Has Dr Who Just Materialised?
Let’s Try the Scenic Route?
Have you noticed that when ever you try and be ‘green’ and get on your bike, ‘big brother’ puts obstacles in your way?
Cycle Lay-by?
More Trouble for Cyclists
Guy missed the cyclists problem. Will had to point out to me that there is supposed to be cycle access, but some jobsworth has erected a
barrier.
Causes of Trouble for Cyclists
- Cars turning left without signalling
- Dogs (Cats can be tricky)
- Pot-holes
- Punctures
- Cycling lanes! Especially those featured on this page
Self-inflicted Causes of Cycling Accidents
These cycling accidents became inspiration of some cycling jokes:
- Undertaking articulated lorries
- Not wearing your helmet
- Riding on the pavement
Can You See What’s the Trouble with this Cycle Helmet?
Several women, to whom we have shown the above photograph, cannot see anything wrong with the helmet. Check out the position of the chin strap buckle!
Tricky Bike to Ride?
Funny Pictures of Bikers
Are these Bikers for Real? Or are they posers?
My question is, are these real pictures of mountain bikers, or are they fakes?
Here below are the cyclists again, but in the distance. I have walked along cliffs like these, and it’s unlikely that you would get a continuous path that you could walk, let alone cycle.
This picture raises my suspicions. The lighting is curious, also that back wheel looks as though it would slide off into the sea. One other point, why are cyclist’s anoraks so clean?
I don’t know about the cyclist, but the picture below pushes me over the top. I am not a believer. Surely this picture is either faked or at worst, posed?
If I have done these intrepid bikers a disservice then do let me know. But for now, I stick by my assertion that the pictures are a put-up job.
Another Funny Mountain Biker
Funny Tandem Pictures – Tricycles
Will and Guy enjoy variety, hence we have a varied selection of tandems, three-wheelers, trikes, unicycles, and funny wooden bikes.
Funny Tandem Pictures – The Perfect Bicycle Made for Two
Learn to ride a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live. Mark Twain
Is the above the cycle of the devil, or just the devil to pedal?
Tandem or Trick Cyclist?
Tandem Heading in the Wrong Direction?
A man who was riding a tandem was stopped by police. ‘What’s the matter officer?’, asked the rider.
‘Perhaps you didn’t notice sir, but your wife fell off your tandem a mile back . . .’
‘Good grief’, said the rider – ‘I thought I’d gone deaf!’
Tandem Heading in the Right Direction
A bicycle made for two Paul and Liz have just climbed Scafell Pike in the English Lake District, by road, on their tandem. ‘Ooooooaaargh,’ wheezed Paul, ‘that was a tough ride. The climb was so very hard and we were going so slowly that I thought we were never going to make it to the top.’ ‘Yep,’ agreed Liz breathing heavily, ‘a good thing I kept the brakes on, or we’d have slid back down the hill.’
Tandem or Bi-Cycle?
Footnote: Please send us your funny tandem pictures and stories.
A Trike to Beat Your Own Drum
Another Trike to Transport the Rest of the Band
Tally-ho on This Funny Trike!
Unicycle
A Very Brief History of Bone-shakers to Motorbikes
Wooden Bone-shaker
Wooden Bikes
From the Ridiculous to the Sublime – Ferrari Bike
Israeli industrial designer Amir Glinik uses the engine from a Ferrari Enzo and some drive-by-wire technology from an F-16 fighter jet to create a V4 superbike worthy of the great Italian marque.
Funny Tour de France Cycling Jokes
Why Do They Do That?
Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV. Seamus shook his head and asked, “Whoi t’e hell do they do that?”
“Do what?” asked Mick.
“Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t’e hills, round t’e bends. Day
after day, week after week. No matter if it’s oicy, rainin? snowin? hailin? .. .. .. why would they torture themselves like that?”
“Tis all for the prestige and the money,” replied Mick, “You know the winner gets about half a million Euros?
“Yeah, I understand that.” said Seamus, “But why do all the others do it?”
Funny Short Tour de France Cycling Jokes
- The hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle is the road.
- Learn to ride a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live. – Mark Twain
- ‘I’ve had it with my dog,’ said Shelagh to her neighbor. ‘He’ll chase anyone on a bicycle. Hmmm, that is a problem,’ said the neighbor. ‘What are you thinking of doing about it?’ ‘Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike,’ answered Shelagh.
- Two pieces of black tarmac are standing chatting at the bar, when in walks a piece of green tarmac. The piece of green tarmac demands a pint of Bitter from the landlord in a menacing manner, downs it in one, slams his money on the bar, and walks out. The landlord turn
to the two pieces of black tarmac and says, ‘Well I’m glad he didn’t cause any trouble – I’ve heard he’s a bit of a cycle path.’
- Did you hear about the idiot who won the Tour De France? He did a lap of honor.
An Alternative View: French Dope Testing Methods Revealed Thanks to Terry C Wise
Anti-French Sentiment [Not supported by Will and Guy] CNN is reporting that Lance Armstrong may be stripped of his 7th Tour de France title. In a random check for banned substances, three were found in Armstrong’s hotel room.
The 3 substances banned by the French, that were found in Lance’s hotel room
were as follows:
- Toothpaste
- Deodorant
- Soap
Funny French Notices
Seen in a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front
desk.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
How I Beat Lance Armstrong
‘I don’t remember you ever beating Lance Armstrong’ commented Eric, the Sun journalist. ‘When would that have occurred?’ ‘In the seventh stage of the Tour de France in 2002, I beat him over the head with my water bottle – but he still won the tour!’
The Devil Rides with the Tour de France
The Tour attracts massive crowds with all kinds of people, supporters, exhibitionists and eccentrics:
Comedian Borat in the Tour de France
An Irish Perspective on the Tour de France
Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub when the Tour de France came on the main TV channel RTé. Mick and Seamus watched the cyclists for a while then Seamus asked, “Why do they do that?”
“Do what?” said Mick
“Go on them bikes for miles and miles, up and down the hills, round the bends. Day after day, week after week. No matter if it’s icy,
raining, snowing, hailing . . . why would they torture themselves like that?”
“It’s all for the money,” says the Mick. “The winner gets half a million Euros (Dollars).”
“I see.” says Seamus, “But why do the others do it?”
My Dog
‘I’ve really had it with my dog: he’ll chase anyone on a bicycle,’ muttered Sachin angrily.
‘So what are you going to do – leave him at the dog’s home? Give him away? Sell him? Answered his friend, Rajiv.
‘No, nothing that drastic, I think I’ll just confiscate his bike, finished Sachin.
A Cyclist in Heaven
A very devout cyclist dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter meets him at the gate. First thing the cyclist asks is whether there are bicycles in
heaven.
‘Sure,’ says St. Peter, ‘let me show you,’ and he leads the guy into the finest Velodrome you can imagine.
‘This is great,’ the cyclist says.
‘It certainly is,’ says St. Peter. ‘You will have a custom bike and the best cycling clothes you’ve ever seen, and your masseuse will always be available.’
As they speak a blur streaks by them on the boards riding a Mavic bike. ‘Wow!’ the cyclist exclaims. ‘That guy was so fast that can only be Sir
Chris Hoy.’ ‘No,’ says St. Peter, ‘that was God on the bike; he only thinks he’s Chris Hoy.’
In the School Gym
‘Lie flat on your backs, class, and circle your feet in the air as if you were riding your bikes,’ said Dave Rolfe, the gym teacher.
Dwayne! What are you doing? Move your feet, boy.’
‘I’m freewheeling, sir.’
Footnote: Please send us your Tour de France cycling jokes.
Funny Tour de France Pictures – Muppets
A tandem rider was stopped by a gendarme. ‘What have I done, officer?’ asks the rider. ‘Perhaps you didn’t notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike a kilometer back . . .’
‘Mon Dieu’, said the rider – ‘I thought I’d gone deaf!’
What Drugs Are These Cyclists Taking?
“I’ve really had it with my frog: he’ll chase anyone on a bicycle.” “So what are you going to do – leave him at the pond? Give him away? Sell
him?” “No, nothing that drastic. I think I’ll just confiscate his bike.”
Santa’s Stage Their Own Tour de France
Unusual View of the Real Tour de France
‘Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better.’ Anonymous
Kiss This Year’s Race Good-bye
- Learn to ride a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live. (Mark Twain)
New Robot Team for Next Tour de France
How they discourage cars when the Tour de France comes to town
Bike after a mountain descent of 25 hairpin bends in the Tour de France
My granny started cycling at 80 years old. She has been doing a steady 4 miles per day. The problem is now we don’t know where on earth she is!
One of the best cycling jokes so far, don’t you agree?
An Irish Perspective on the Tour de France
Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub when the Tour de France came on the main TV channel RTé. Mick and Seamus watched the cyclists for a while then Seamus asked, “Why do they do that?”
“Do what?” said Mick
“Go on them bikes for miles and miles, up and down the hills, round the bends. Day after day, week after week. No matter if it’s icy, raining, snowing, hailing . . . why would they torture themselves like that?”
“It’s all for the money,” says the Mick. “The winner gets half a million Euros (Dollars).”
“I see.” says the Seamus, “But why do the others do it?”
Footnote: Please send us your funny Tour de France pictures and cycling jokes.
The Devil Rides with the Tour de France
The Tour attracts massive crowds with all kinds of people, supporters, exhibitionists and eccentrics:
The photo of the devil was taken by Bogdan Cristel and Le Diable is known as Didi and is a common sight on the tour de France. Not surprisingly, it’s one of our readers’ favorite cycling jokes represented on pictures.
