Jokes for Bastille Day 14th of July
- Will and Guy’s collection of jokes to celebrate: La Fête Nationale (Bastille Day).
French Humour
Will and Guy have no intention of joining those people who wish to vilify and verbally attack France and the French because of perceived slights on the world stage. Some Americans and British seem to enjoy belittling the French.
This site does not support nor reflect this attitude but would seek merely to amuse and present readers with an opportunity to smile and laugh. In fact, Will believes the Jefferson quote [below] reflects his Francophile position and, indeed, the feelings of many:
Thomas Jefferson [1743 – 1826] was the third President of the United States [1801-1809]. He was also the principal author of the Declaration of Independence [1776] and famously said, ‘Every man has two countries, his own and France.’
Ten Witty, Outrageous, and Light-Hearted Quotations About France
- How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb? One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.
- The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don’t know. – P.J O’Rourke
- France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks, it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes.” – Mark Twain
- I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me. – General George S. Patton
- Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion. – Norman Schwartzkopf
- We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it. – Marge Simpson
- The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq. – Dennis Miller
- The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee. – Regis Philbin
- As far as I’m concerned, war always means failure. – Jacques Chirac, former President of France. Rush Limbaugh: As far as France is concerned, you’re right.
- You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but didn’t have the face for it. – John McCain, US Senator from Arizona.
Bon Mots that almost got away:
- An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French. Raise both hands if you are French.
- Next time there’s a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.
Will and Guy’s Ten Good Things about France and the French
- French is the language of romance and love
- The Paris Metro is superb
- The Louvre is possibly the best museum in the world. Will also loves the Musée D’Orsay
- French architecture is magnificent: chateaux, churches, historic buildings
- French roads are good
- French cuisine and food: bread, cheese, coffee, and patisseries are delicious
- Good quality wine is relatively cheap in France and Pastis is lovely
- A certain laissez-faire and je ne sais quoi attitude
- French restaurants for the “man in the street”.
- The French railway system: possibly the best in the world
Not forgetting the way in which the French play Rugby Union [le rugby]: with strength, panache, and Gallic flair.
Bastille Day Joy
More Stereotypical, Silly, Comedy Shorts for Bastille Day
[Thanks to BBC Radio4 “Loose Ends” program]
In retaliation against the US House of Representatives changing the names of French fries and French toast to Freedom fries and Freedom toast in their cafeteria, the French government has announced that they will NOT change the name of American cheese.
A group of British paratroopers were firing their weapons for practice near the Kuwait/Iraq border. A group of Iraqi soldiers, fearing the war had started, crossed the border and promptly surrendered to the paratroopers. My immediate thought was, ‘Finally, French culture has spread to the Middle East.’
What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? A salesman
Did you hear about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day? The description included: Never shot. Dropped once.
What do you get when a grenade is thrown into a French kitchen? Linoleum Blownapart.
How Many Frenchmen Does It Take To Change a Light Bulb?
- Well, first, there has to be a UN security resolution demanding a change; but only if the light bulb can be proved to be burned out and not just in a quantum state of flux.
- Second, there should be an increase in the number and frequency of inspectors and inspections to determine that the light bulb is not just burned out, but a genuine threat to the rest of the world. There has to be a “smoking filament” or else the changing of the bulb would be considered unnecessary since the light bulb poses no threat to world stability, let alone in breach of said resolution by illuminating anything other than its own space.
- Third, there should be endless debate about the ramifications of light bulb change. How do we know the next light bulb will be a more cooperative light bulb and illuminate our lives?
- Fourth, France will in no way support a violent action in changing the light bulb. There must be a peaceful solution to this light bulb change; violent action is unacceptable.
- Fifth, without a broad coalition that supports light bulb change, any action to change the bulb will be considered a breach of the “spirit” of the UN resolution regarding the light bulb.
